Fred Penzel Ph.D.

Pure O? Pure Confusion. By - Fred Penzel, Ph.D.

  

            I don’t exactly remember when I first heard the term “Pure O” as applied to any type of OCD.  I do remember wondering exactly what it meant.  As someone who has specialized in OCD treatment since the early 80’s the term was puzzling to me.  Did it mean an OCD sufferer was only experiencing obsessions and had no compulsions?  This is what the term appeared to suggest.  This struck me as odd as out of the hundreds of patients I had treated, I never met anyone who had obsessions but who totally lacked compulsions.  I had met people who in the past had done compulsions, but which had faded over many years to the point where they couldn’t remember why they had done them in the first place, but this could not be called being purely obsessional.  It was had to imagine that someone could have severe, doubtful, and negative thoughts and simply not do anything about them.  It just didn’t square with the OCD I had become very familiar with.

            After some investigation, I soon came to understand that what the term actually referred to was someone with OCD who in addition to having obsessions responded only with mental compulsions, done in their minds and unobservable to others.  I had always thought of compulsions as falling into two large subgroups – physical (observable) compulsions, and  mental (unobservable to others) compulsions.  It occurred to me that creating this new and unnecessary category was bound to cause confusion among sufferers and professionals alike.  To begin with, many people, including sufferers, did not seem to understand the difference between obsessions and compulsions.  For those who aren’t clear about this, an obsession is an intrusive, repetitive, doubtful, and usually negative thought that results in anxiety.  A compulsion is anything, mental or physical, that someone does to escape or avoid the anxiety caused by the obsessions.  As mentioned earlier, it goes against human nature for someone to have thoughts of these types and to simply do nothing about them.  Compulsions are essentially bad solutions to the problem of having obsessions.  They may only work for a short time, but eventually become habits the sufferer gets locked into.  Doing compulsions only leads to doing more compulsions.

            Over time, some people coming for treatment would begin by saying that they had ‘Pure O’ OCD.  Since I always screen for both types of compulsions, they would agree that they did compulsions in their heads.  I would tell them that in that case the term “Pure O’ didn’t apply to them as it clearly implied that they only experienced obsessions but did not do compulsions.  I would explain that this was a misnomer and that they should refrain from using it to describe their OCD as it could only cause confusion on the part of other laypeople and professionals who were not well acquainted with OCD. This could then potentially lead to misguided treatment.  It seemed to me to be more descriptive to simply say that they used mental compulsions to deal with their obsessions.  The term ‘Pure O’ was therefore unnecessary and simply incorrect.

            I believe that if we are to have proper treatment for OCD, we also need accurate descriptive terminology.  You need to know exactly what you are treating in order to know how to approach it.  For those not acquainted with how OCD is treated, obsessions and compulsions are approached differently.  We work in therapy to build people’s tolerance to obsessive thoughts so that they can experience them without having to do compulsions, and at the same time, resist doing compulsions to gradually weaken them as habits and eventually eliminate them.  Compulsions are the real problem to be solved, as they are what can virtually paralyze an individual and prevent them from functioning in life.  Because compulsions can be so paralyzing and debilitating, if someone is believed to not have them, there is a risk that these will not be treated.  It is clear where this can lead to.

            The term ‘Pure O’ has been around far too long.  My colleagues in the field who I know personally, and there are many of them, all refrain from using it and also discourage others.  I can only urge everyone to stop applying it to the disorder.  OCD has been plagued with enough misunderstandings and misinformation over the years and it is about time that we retired this so-called category.

 

        

12 Tips on How to Stay Recovered From OCD

“There is only one kind of shock worse than the totally unexpected: the expected for which one has refused to prepare.”

-       Mary Renault (author)

  

1.     Never think you are cured.  OCD is chronic and at this time there is no cure. You can, however, achieve recovery which can be maintained by never forgetting the lessons you have learned in therapy.  This means you have to manage your OCD.  Those who forget this run the risk of relapse.

2.    In therapy you should have achieved the ability to tolerate and coexist with your obsessions without feeling that you have to do compulsions.  Your tolerance levels will need to be kept up if they are to continue working for you.

3.    Managing OCD means occasionally challenging yourself on purpose, or taking on challenges when life presents you with them, whether unexpectedly or not.  You won’t have to work as consistently as you did in active therapy, but you will need to practice occasionally to keep your skills and tolerance up.  Look upon unexpected challenges as the absolute best opportunities to practice.

4.    Never say never.  Just because you have overcome a particular OCD theme does not mean that it will not show up unexpectedly again sometime.  New ones can possibly show up also.  Be prepared for this and you won’t be caught by surprise.

5.    Five basic rules that you will need to follow beyond therapy are as follows:

-       Always agree with any obsessions

-       Do not argue with, analyze, or question obsessions

-       Resist the use of reassurance from either yourself or others

-       The use of compulsions can never be justified, no matter how necessary or important they may seem in the moment

-       Act on all obsessions immediately.  Do not wait or hesitate, even if you are not sure they are obsessions.

6.    A lapse is not a relapse.  This means that even if you slip up and do a compulsion, all is not lost.  For it to be a relapse, you would have to go back to square one and forget everything you learned.  No one is perfect, and no one’s recovery can be perfect either.  A few examples of damage control would be:

-       If you reassure yourself, you can immediately turn it around by saying that of course you were wrong, and that the worst is true and will happen (or did happen)

-       If contamination is your problem, you can always recontaminate again

-       Should you perform a magical ritual, you can do something to counteract it and ruin the magic

-       In the case of repeating actions a special number of times, go back and undo it by doing the action only once or a ‘bad’ number of times

-       For those who have to think of or look at special words, images, or numbers, you can always reverse this by looking at or thinking of something associated with bad luck or a bad happening

If you genuinely find yourself at a loss facing a new theme, an old theme, or a new version of an old theme, don’t hesitate to go back for a review or some booster sessions with your therapist.  It doesn’t make you a failure or anything like it.  Asking for extra help when you really need it is the smart thing to do, rather than letting things go further downhill.

7.    Just because you are now feeling better, do not automatically throw away your medication (if you were taking any). If you have had moderate to more severe OCD, the odds are that you may need to stay on your medication.  It should never be discontinued suddenly as you risk some withdrawal symptoms.  If you do wish to see if you can do without it, talk it over with your physician and work out a schedule for gradually decreasing it.  If you start to feel that symptoms are returning as you do this, you can always build it back up to former levels.  Also keep in mind that after you discontinue medication, it can take up to several months for symptoms to return, if they are going to, so hold back judgment as to whether going off your meds was really a good idea.  No one necessarily wants to be on medication, but it can genuinely make your recovery more durable by keeping symptom levels lower.

8.    Open up your life and begin or restore things you once did, or wished you were doing when you were unwell.  Don’t maintain your former illness lifestyle.  After all, what did you recover for?

9.    Be sure to establish a balanced life for yourself.  Balance is the key to wellness in general.  This means not too much or too little of anything.  Pay attention to such things as getting enough sleep, eating properly, getting exercise, doing something productive (such as working or volunteering), having a social life, getting regular medical and dental checkups, and learning new skills.

10. Learn to make more ‘gut-level’ decisions and take a few chances on things.  Allow yourself to be more spontaneous.  One thing OCD can take away from you is your ability to be spontaneous or to take risks.  Remember that everything contains a level of risk.

11. If necessary, see about restoring social relationships that may have dwindled or been damaged during the time you were unwell.  It can also be an opportunity to educate those around you about OCD and to take the stigma out of it.

12. Don’t spend time dwelling on what you may have lost to OCD.  Your past should not be allowed to cripple your present.  It’s a closed book.  Instead, look ahead to what you now hope to do with your life in recovery.  Your goal should now be becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. Think of the things you still have to be thankful for rather than only focusing on any losses.

20 Tips on Being a Good OCD Treatment Consumer

 You may be dealing with health fraud if whoever is advertising it:

 

1.     Tries to sell you something based upon anecdotes and testimonials from cured customers instead of data from large science-based double-blind placebo-controlled studies

 

2.     Claims it was discovered by someone who has special information or knowledge that no one else in the field has, and tries to create a sense of ‘mystery’ about it

 

3.     Makes extraordinary claims and even puts forth a long list of unrelated serious disorders that it is supposed to also successfully treat

 

4.     Claims to be able to produce results within only one or just a very small number of treatments

 

5.     Guarantees successful results

 

6.     States that ‘the establishment’ in the form of large companies, the government, and/or professional organizations are conspiring to keep consumers from sharing their special knowledge just so they can make a profit

 

7.     Says that it is ‘clinically proven’ or states that it is ‘supported by scientific studies,’ without mentioning where, when, and how it was tested, and cannot  cite any real articles published in recognized mainstream scientific journals

 

8.     Claims that it is supported by ‘experts,’ but either won’t name them, or relies on people who seem to have credentials in fields unrelated to OCD treatment or who have no real credentials at all

 

9.     Cannot explain it in simple terms, but can only explain it in confusing and complicated language, scientific or medical sounding terms, or sometimes newly invented terms no one has ever heard of

 

10.  Won’t show or share the data that supposedly backs up their claims of effectiveness

 

11.  Has gone straight to advertising it without first submitting it to real scientific testing

 

12.  Says that it has been known since ‘ancient’ times and is based upon ‘lost’ principles that have been recently rediscovered, but which no one else understands today

 

13.  Plays upon your fear of possible side effects associated with other treatments

 

14.  Promises to permanently cure you of your disorder, even though OCD is known to be chronic (meaning that at present, it can be controlled but not cured)

 

15.  States that their approach is superior to all others, and puts down all other accepted OCD treatments as ineffective or possibly even harmful

 

16.  Wants to sell you a special machine or device that will somehow cure your symptoms without ever clearly stating what it actually does or that its use has been tested and scientifically verified

 

17.  Claims that OCD is caused by such things as diet, allergy, energy field problems, etc. but has no real proof to back up these claims

 

18.  Tells you that OCD is really caused by underlying unconscious psychological factors that first have to be resolved for you to be able to recover, and which it promises to fix

 

19.  Claims that OCD can only be helped via their natural or all-organic treatment that somehow works in harmony with what nature intended

 

20.  Promises some kind of free trial or introductory information about the treatment as a tease but then charges high fees to reveal the rest of what you need to know

When Obsessive Perfectionism Goes To School

Schoolwork, itself, can be enough of a challenge for many kids and young adults. Especially given the recent disruption of normal school activities. Having to perform at the levels of expectation that parents and school personnel place upon them is never easy and can be quite stressful for some. This does not begin to compare, however, to what happens when OCD enters the picture.

Fight for Your Rights: Getting Insurance to Pay for Your OCD Treatment

Over the years, I have written many articles about the treatment and acceptance of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.  These are all very practical issues, to be sure, however, another practical issue I would like to inform you about has to do with getting your insurance company to cover the cost of treatment.  If you are lucky enough to be able to pay for your treatment out-of-pocket, then this article will probably not be of much interest to you.  If, however, you rely on health insurance to pay for treatment, then read on.

          There is a little secret that your insurance doesn't want you to know about.  The rules say that your company is responsible for providing you with adequate treatment by properly trained practitioners.  This is particularly so if you belong to an HMO, are required to see doctors who are a part of your plan and are not covered for the services of professionals outside of your plan.  OCD specialists are, unfortunately, in short supply in many areas, and chances are good that you will not find many within your company's list of providers.  The plain truth is that many specialists simply do not work for insurance plans.  This is also true of most OCD specialists. 

You will most likely start by calling your insurance company to ask someone in customer service whether they have any practitioners who treat OCD.  Before you make this first call, there is one word of caution.  Always be sure to take notes of every conversation you have with anyone there, and always get the full name of each person you talk to.  In addition, make certain that you also ask for the ‘call reference number,’ which is a record of your phone call.  Insurance companies have a nasty habit of forgetting things they have promised or information they have given out, or whether they have even spoken to you at all.  Also make sure to put your policy and claim number on any written communications you send them.  They can easily misfile your letter without this information.  When you call a customer service representative at your plan and ask for the name of someone local who treats OCD, you may be given several names.  Find out where these practitioners are located, as there may be rules about how far your company can require you to travel to see someone.  Usually, you cannot be required to see someone outside a certain radius.  Chances are, they will assure you that they have several people who can treat OCD.

          In the former case, if you call the professionals whose names and numbers they give you, you will most likely find (unless you are particularly lucky) that they do not treat your problem and cannot fathom why the company gave you their name.  If they say they do treat OCD, grill them on how many cases they have treated, what methods they use, and what kind of training they have to do this.  In most cases, they will not have the right answers and will probably get a bit cagey with you.  Make sure that they do Cognitive/Behavioral treatment for OCD (Exposure & Response Prevention).  If none of their professionals pan out, you graduate to the next step, and are now able to make your plan give you permission to see the therapist of your choice.  If they actually admit they have no one, this is even better, as you will certainly be able to force them to let you see whom you want, even if that therapist is not officially a part of your plan.

What you do next, in either case, is to inform your insurance company that you have found someone who is considered competent to treat what you have.  I should add, at this point, that to make all this work, you need find that competent professional before you set all of this in motion.  Also, you need to make sure they are properly licensed, either as a psychologist or a social worker.

          If your company admits that they have no one, they will go on to contact the practitioner and negotiate what is commonly known as an "ad hoc," out-of-network, or "single case agreement."  This will enable the professional to be paid their full fee, without your having to pay more than your usual co-payment.  In effect, you will be covered on an in-network basis, not out-of-network.  In some cases, you will have to pay the practitioner directly, get a paid receipt, and submit it to your company for reimbursement.

          If they decide to put up a fight and get difficult about it, they will start by either telling you they simply do not cover out-of-network providers, or, if you have out-of-network coverage, that you are free to see someone outside their list, but that they will only pay out-of-network rates, usually 50 percent of a fee that they think the practitioner should be charging (generally a lot lower than the going rate).  At this point, you must get more assertive and say something like, "I'm afraid you don't understand the situation.  You have no one in your network who is qualified to treat me, and since you are obligated to provide me with care under the terms of my contract, you must now allow me to see someone out-of-network, but on an in-network basis, and you will have to negotiate a fee with them."  It is vital to convince them that you are going out-of-network not because you are merely choosing to, but because you are being forced to.  If they now realize you know your rights, they will ask for the name and phone number of the practitioner and will call him or her to negotiate a fee. 

          Before you show up for your first visit, make sure the practitioner has received a contract or statement of agreement in writing from the company.  The paperwork should state how many visits have been initially approved with the practitioner, and the rate your company has agreed to pay this professional for various services.  The standard insurance service code for a first visit is 90791, and for regular office visits of 45 minutes is 90834, and the contract should clearly state how much will be paid for each.  You will also need to know if you will be required to pay your standard co-payment at each visit, or else pay the full fee and then submit for reimbursement.

          If the insurance company still resists, you must then ask to talk to a supervisor, and assertively explain the situation one more time.  If they still insist that they really do have a practitioner, ask for that person's name and credentials.  Also ask if they are known specialists and have specific training and experience in treating or OCD.  Also ask how many people with the disorder they have treated.  Since you have already called a whole list of people, you may be able to inform them that the professional they have in mind for you, a) really isn't qualified, b) isn't taking new patients, or c) didn't even know what Exposure & Response Prevention was, etc.  Hopefully, at this point, they will recognize they are now in a no-win situation and will give in.  Most companies do at this point.  If you have an unusually stubborn company that cannot tell when they have no case, you may have to contact the state agency that regulates insurance companies in your state.  As I mentioned earlier, always be sure to get the full names of everyone you speak to at the insurance company, as you may need them if you file a complaint.  The only exceptions that I have ever encountered to all the above have been special contracts negotiated by employers with insurance companies.  These agreements may forbid an insurance company from negotiating fees above set levels or using out-of-network providers.  In such a case, the employer has tied the insurance company's hands, and there is nothing they can do.  Fortunately, these types of setups tend to be rare.

          Overall, be assertive, speak firmly, keep your notes in front of you, do not lose your cool, and indicate that you know your rights as a consumer.  If you get angry, you will be labeled as difficult, and will undercut your own position.  Just remember that the insurance company is not doing you a big favor if they let you go out-of-network.  You (and/or your employer) are paying good money for your benefits and you are entitled to them.  Do not be bullied, put off, or take "no" for an answer.  Persistence pays off; so don't let them double-talk you.  Never forget that you are dealing with a profit-making business with stockholders, and not a humanitarian organization that is looking out for your welfare.  They are dedicated to paying out as little as possible and will use every ploy they can to do this. I have negotiated many out-of-network provider contracts over the years, and can tell you that this can be done, and is being done by savvy consumers all the time.  Overall, be an informed consumer and know your rights!

Dr. Fred Penzel is a licensed psychologist who has specialized in the treatment of TTM and OCD and related disorders since 1982.   He is the executive director of Western Suffolk Psychological Services in Huntington, New York, and is a founding member of the TLC Science Advisory Board.  Dr. Penzel is the author of "Obsessive Compulsive Disorders (2nd ed.)," (Oxford University Press, 2016), a self-help book for those suffering from OC disorders. Dr. Penzel can be reached at (631) 351-1729 or at penzel85@yahoo.com.

 

 

 

Your Number is Up! ("Magical" numbers and OCD)

Within limits, a certain amount of superstitious thinking can be a harmless part of normal life. The popularity of horoscopes, tarot card readings, good luck charms, and psychics in our own society bears witness to this. However, even in primitive societies where magic controls people's actions and decisions on an everyday basis, it is integrated into everyday life, regarded as a tool, and does not paralyze its users. In OCD, unfortunately, its usage and negative effects expand far beyond these ordinary limits. Beginning as a way to control anxiety brought on by obsessions, it gradually escapes the user's control, taking over their life, and actually generating greater anxiety than it was originally supposed to relieve.

There is currently no scientific explanation as to why some individuals tend to think magically as compared to having any other symptoms. No one actually understands why anyone has his or her special type of obsessive concerns. Many of those with OCD are constantly bombarded with very strange and doubtful thoughts about harm coming to themselves and/or others. These thoughts can be quite extreme. Their inner world of doubt seems out of the range of normal control.

One other possible influence upon the development of magical thinking in OCD may be if an individual with OCD comes from a culture in which superstition and daily ritual plays a strong role. Growing up in such a background cannot, of course, cause OCD, however, I believe it can certainly help give someone at risk a push in the wrong direction if everyone at home is regularly practicing magical rituals. No one with OCD was ever made better by growing up in a superstitious environment.

Those who suffer from magical obsessions have a great need for control in the face of their extraordinary and unusual fears, but they quickly come to realize that ordinary types of protective measures cannot help them. Their doubt is so overwhelming that the normal means of control simply don't apply in their magical obsessive world. The most logical or scientific thinking usually cannot give them explanations or reassurance. OCD, after all, was formerly known as "The Doubting Sickness." I am fond of saying that if you had to sum up OCD in two words, they would be "Pathological Doubt." As in primitive times where people felt a need to control happenings in a world they couldn't explain, those with magical obsessions feel that they must therefore resort to something far beyond the ordinary. Only in this way can they have a sense of security and control. What can supply this? The answer, of course, is magic. It appears to be their only possible alternative, and as we know, is something that comes rather easily to humans.

Superstition and magic create connections between things that according to logic and the laws of science, don't connect within the real world. Numbers, words, and actions appear to control events in the present and future. Bad luck or good luck can be spread by thought, by sight, by touch, or simply by association. Those with this type of OCD realize that their behaviors are unrealistic and sound crazy to others, but they use them anyway to relieve their anxiety. Because magic figures into a fair proportion of OCD, and can sound so irrational, it is most likely the reason that so many sufferers have been misdiagnosed over the years as having schizophrenia.

Like the magic of old, compulsions of the magical variety can include all sorts of superstitious and ritualistic behaviors. What these different magical compulsions all have in common with each other and with ancient magic, is that they are performed for the purpose of preventing bad events in advance, or for undoing events or thoughts which have already occurred. One other similarity to other types of magic is that often, the steps of the compulsive ritual must be kept rigidly "pure" and perfect, and cannot vary, or else they will not work. Additionally, rituals must be performed while in the correct state of mind, with no interfering 'bad' or wayward thoughts. Because anxiety typically hampers the performance of almost anything, sufferers generally find it very difficult to get their rituals to be perfect. They get the steps in the wrong order, forget to do something, or an unpleasant obsession or image intrudes during the ritual, thus "contaminating" and destroying the magic. Even if an individual's obsessions allow them to redo botched rituals, they may still get a fair proportion of them wrong. This, of course, can lead to hours spent ritualizing to get things 'just right.' If the rules governing a sufferer's obsessions will not allow them to have another chance at the ritual, a lot of careful planning or activity can be totally ruined in an instant. If, in particular, it is a ritual that can only be done at a special moment or on a specific day, there might not be another chance for days or even weeks to try it again. An entire day, a month, or even a coming year can be "ruined" in this way. I have seen people utterly unable to function during these "ruined" time periods. This is how rituals, themselves, become sources of anxiety in a circular sort of way.

It has been believed since ancient times that numbers could be a source of power. Pythagoras, the ancient Greek philosopher is reputed to have stated:

"The world is built upon the power of numbers."

Actually, in terms of what physics, math, and chemistry are currently showing us in terms of understanding the patterns of our universe, there is a certain amount of truth to this, but not in the sense that numbers can somehow be magically manipulated.

The false science of numerology has been in existence since at least the time of the ancient Babylonians. It was based upon the concept that the universe is composed of mathematical patterns, and that all things can be expressed as numbers that connect to these patterns. Pythagoras, himself, believed that the entire universe could be expressed numerically. Numerologists and magicians have always believed that every number has a special vibration, or power. Numbers have been used over the centuries for forecasting the future (also known as divination) and in magic practices. Ancient numerologists assigned numbers to letters of their alphabets, and through them were able to tell people's futures, or even find hidden magical meanings in the bible and other written works, as if these were written in some type of special code. In different cultures, numbers may have the power to give magical control, and some may also be taboo (such as 13 or 666).

Many of the rules for numbers seen in numerology and magic are also seen in OCD. Some of these rules are common to many sufferers (13 and 666 are bad, even numbers are good, odd numbers are bad, etc.) and some are particular only to specific individuals. Sometimes multiples of bad numbers are also bad, or even worse than the original bad number. For some, a multiple's power to do harm seems to increase with its size. Undoing rituals are quite common where magical number obsessions are present. For instance, bad numbers are usually canceled out by good numbers, or simply by counting to, thinking of, or looking at higher numbers. In the case of some sufferers, if they are reading a book and stop reading on a bad numbered page, they must keep reading until they can stop on a good numbered page. I can't tell you how many patients I have had, who had to turn their TVs or radios on or off on a particular numbered channel or station.

As mentioned earlier, some magical behaviors often have to be performed a special number of times or on special dates that are seen to have magical significance. Midnight, noon, or the first or last days of the month or year are the most common times that figure into these rituals. Certain times of day, when they appear on a clock, can also be lucky or unlucky, depending upon which numbers a person's obsessions fasten on to. Actually, the invention of the digital clock has contributed quite a lot to these types of obsessions and compulsions. Some sufferers cannot act or speak when particular numbers come up on a clock or wristwatch. Those with magical touching rituals frequently incorporate numbers into their behavior and have to touch certain objects a special number of times in order for them to be effective.

The making of special mental arrangements of things such as numbers, information, words, names and special images makes up another subtype of magical ritual. As a mental compulsion, this type of behavior is generally not visible to others, yet it can be as serious and agonizing as any other OC symptom. At times it can be much more complicated than rituals involving only numbers.

Numbers are also used in OCD in non-magical ways. They are frequently used as tools to ensure that compulsions are done properly or for a long enough period of time. This is frequently necessary because OCD is, after all, a problem of doubting. Also, some rituals can be rather complicated and it is easy to lose track of what one has been doing. These uses for numbers could include counting while hand washing to make sure that it was done for a long enough time period to certify that decontamination had taken place, when performing touching rituals, to help the sufferer to be certain that they have touched the particular object a correct number of times, when performing stepping rituals (such as walking through doors or over thresholds) to make certain that the sufferer has gone back and forth the right number of times.

In terms of what can be done to remedy magical obsessions and compulsions, I recommend, as usual, the two-pronged approach of medication plus behavioral therapy. I can't tell you everything there is to know about this broad subject in this article, but I can give you a brief rundown. As far as medications go, antidepressant medications such as Anafranil, Prozac, Zoloft Paxil, Luvox, Effexor, Serzone, Celexa, or Lexapro can provide a degree of symptom relief, reducing the obsessive thoughts and the urges to do compulsions sufficiently to allow behavioral therapy to help the sufferer overcome the rest of the problem. This is not to say that one cannot be successful without medication, however, it does improve your chances quite a bit. On the other hand, medication alone usually isn't sufficient to do the job entirely.

By behavioral therapy, I mean specifically, Exposure and Response Prevention (E&RP). The person in treatment is gradually encouraged to put themselves in a position for the bad luck or harm to occur, and then is discouraged from carrying out the avoidance or the magical ritual. It is not that magical thinkers totally believe in their magic. They don't. They do, however, experience serious doubts and need encouragement to take the risks necessary to see that their beliefs aren't justified. One of the great problems of OCD is that these beliefs are never challenged. Most of those with OCD don't stay in the presence of what they fear long enough to learn that nothing would actually happen and that their anxiety would eventually pass even if they did nothing in response to the obsessions. The fact is, that you really can't run away from obsessive fears. Doing behavioral therapy for OCD is, in reality, a way of getting closer to the truth. It teaches people to act as scientists conducting experiments. By repeatedly confronting obsessions and then resisting compulsions, sufferers gradually build up a tolerance to what they fear, until it can no longer have any impact on them. I like to tell my patients that:

"You can't be bored and scared at the same time"

In therapy, a listing, or hierarchy, is created in which all feared situations are ranked in order, usually on a one to ten or a zero to 100 scale. This scale is then used in the creation of homework assignments. As patients carry out therapy assignments, they work their way up the scale, gradually tackling more and more difficult items via homework assignments, or working with the therapist in the office or on field trips. No one is ever forced to do anything, and nothing is thrown at them by surprise. 

Exposure to obsessive thoughts may be accomplished via taped presentations, writing assignments, or selected readings. I have found the exposure tapes to be of particular value. They tell the sufferer in gradually increasing doses that the harm they fear really will occur, and that there is no escape. They are used several times per day, and increased in difficulty as the listener's anxiety decreases with presentations. Despite what you may have heard from various sources, obsessions can be as effectively treated as compulsions. It all hinges on a well-designed treatment. Exposure can take place on the mental level just as easily as in the physical world. Some people require repeated exposures to feared situations, and some may require only one. In this latter case, it is almost as if by finally facing the fear, the sufferer is breaking a 'spell' (to use a magical term). This is certainly not to suggest that therapy is in some way like magic; it isn't. Far from it. Therapy requires persistent and consistent work.

By working in this way, confidence is progressively increased, and symptoms are systematically eliminated. The person becomes habituated to their fearful thoughts to the point of no longer having to react to them, even if they do not completely cease. In uncomplicated cases, the process described above should take anywhere from six to twelve months. With individuals who habituate after only a few exposures to each feared situation, the process may even be more rapid.

In any case, the technology of treatment exists, and there is no reason for anyone to suffer with magical obsessions or any other symptom of OCD at this point in time. If you have been sitting around hesitating or procrastinating, make every effort to seek help now.

If you would like to read more about what Dr. Penzel has to say about OCD, take a look at his self-help book, "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well," (Oxford University Press, 2000). You can learn more about it at www.ocdbook.com

What The Heck Is "Obsessive Slowness?"

Everybody has pet peeves. Mine happen to include technical terms that are commonly used but don't really mean anything. Within the field of OCD, one particular term that I really wish should go away is "obsessive slowness." Researchers and practitioners generally use it to describe the behavior of people who carry out everyday activities in an extremely slow manner. Examples would include someone taking thirty minutes to wash their face, ten minutes to put on one shoe, or two hours to decide what brand of detergent to buy.

The term covering all of these behaviors doesn't really tell you about what is actually happening. There are a great many subtypes of OCD, and many of them cause sufferers to do things slowly or tediously. OCD usually makes sufferers inefficient because of all the extra steps and activities it adds to their lives. However, lumping them all together under the heading of "slowness" makes anxiety caused by the obsessions. When we say "obsessive slowness," it sounds as if we are literally describing the slow-motion thinking of obsessive thoughts. This is obviously meaningless. What we are really talking about is not a thought, but an observable behavior or set of behaviors. To accurately describe what is happening, it would make a lot more sense to call it "compulsive slowness," but even this term is inadequate. It still doesn't really tell us much about what is going on.

There are many reasons why some OCD sufferers do things in what appear to be painfully slow ways. If an OCD sufferer who carries out particular behaviors slowly is to be treated properly, the reason behind their slowness must be identified. Only than can there be a proper intervention. Here are several reasons why this type of behavior is likely to occur. It is to these that we should really be paying attention, rather than coming up with meaningless labels.

  1. Doubtfulness. Doubt is really at the heart of most OCD. There are some sufferers who cannot be sure whether or not they have actually acted in certain ways or performed certain behaviors. In order to be certain, they do things extra slowly so that they can observe themselves. They may also have to perform the same behavior several times, or break down activities into a series of steps that must be performed the same way each time. There are some who count as they perform an activity, believing that if they finish by the time they reach a particular number, the activity must have been completed. These are all really forms of double-checking, which is the usual response to severe OC doubts. Another aspect of doubtfulness that leads to slowness is the attempt to reach certainty by having to always make "perfect" decisions. This, of course, only leads to further questioning, then to indecision, and so on. The final result looks like a kind of mental paralysis, where the sufferer just stands there, unable to act for long periods of time as they agonizingly go back and forth over

  2. The "just right" feeling. This is where sufferers experience anxiety and discomfort if a particular action, motion, or thought doesn't "feel" right in a certain way. No one but the sufferer can actually say what this feeling is, and they even usually find it hard to describe, but claim to know it when they experience it. If it just doesn't feel right as they do something, it may have to be repeated over and over again from the beginning until it does. If this feeling must be there in order to begin an activity, the sufferer may have to wait long periods of time before even starting. Clearly either of these can take up a lot of time, making the sufferer very inefficient, and causing everyday activities to drag on for long periods. This is something also commonly seen in those who suffer from Tourette's Syndrome.

  3. Perfectionism. Perfectionistic behavior can be caused by a number of different things and is a common time waster in OCD. One symptom that can lead to perfectionism is magical thinking. Some sufferers believe superstitiously that if they do not do certain things in a perfect manner, something bad will happen to themselves or to others. The behaviors that they have to carry out are known as rituals. As they frequently become nervous and doubtful about performing their ritual perfectly, they inevitably make mistakes (or worry that they may have done so), and then they have to do it again. This can lead to many repetitions, which also results in slowness. If the rituals are mental, the sufferer may look as though they are moving very slowly, even though they are going through a rapid-fire series of repetitive activities in their heads.

Another form of perfectionism involves the need for closure. If a sufferer with this problem starts something, they must stay with it or wait around until it is absolutely and completely finished. This can apply to both mental and physical activities. They cannot start or do anything else in the meantime, as this would cause them considerable distraction and discomfort. Being able to do or think of only one thing at a time (no matter how long it takes) can also slow a sufferer down.

The need to make "perfect" decisions as a way of combating doubtfulness (mentioned earlier) would also come under the heading of perfectionism, and is another cause of slowness.

As can be seen, there are many reasons why an OCD sufferer may appear to be moving very slowly, and they really cannot be adequately described by a single term. I suggest that we drop the term "obsessive slowness," and stick to describing the causes of the individual's slowness using the more specific terms we already have. What I am doing here, is making an appeal for more precision in the terms that we use to describe the experience of OCD. Accurate descriptions are more likely to lead to the most appropriate treatments, and thus to a lot more recoveries.

If you would like to read more about what Dr. Penzel has to say about OCD, take a look at his self-help book, "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well," (Oxford University Press, 2000). You can learn more about it at www.ocdbook.com

What Do You Say After You Say You're Sorry? (Coming to terms after you recover from OCD)

A phenomenon exists among those who suffer from OCD that is commonly seen when they have reached a certain point in their recovery process. It may sometimes even occur prior to that recovery. It involves a feeling of guilt and depression arising from the way the sufferer 's illness has negatively affected the lives of those around him or her. This is different from the guilt that often accompanies OCD. Those who are acquainted with OCD know that it is frequently accompanied by an inflated sense of responsibility for the well-being of others. It causes sufferers to compulsively protect those around them. It is usually unrealistic and even magical, and the thoughts tell the sufferer that he or she is responsible for things no one would ever dream of.

When OCD occurs, within your family or among your close friends by way of yourself, it is likely that yours is not the only life affected by it. Unless your OCD is one of the types that you can keep hidden, it can cause those around you a wide variety of upsets and worries. These can result from some of the following situations, to name a few:

  • Watching helplessly as you suffer with your worrisome thoughts, maddening compulsions, and depressed moods.

  • Having to give up a lot of their personal time, and physical and emotional energy, if they are forced to take part in your rituals.

  • Enduring your anger if they interfere with or refuse to help you with compulsive routines, or answer hundreds of repetitive questions.

  • Being forced to severely limit the ways they are allowed to live or the places they can go to avoid triggering your symptoms.

  • Having to materially support you in your disability.

  • Having to take up your daily responsibilities for you around the house, doing chores, or functioning as wage earners or parents.

  • Putting their dreams and plans on hold in order to take care of you.

Usually, when you are in the midst of your symptoms, it is possible to fall into one of two scenarios that can cover any or all of the above. One is that you have become self-centered in your pursuit of relief from anxiety and are oblivious to the stress and upset you are causing those around you. The other is that you are aware, but are so caught up in the symptoms, that you really don't have the time to do anything about it, because you are living moment to moment, trying to hang on and keep up with the demands of the illness.

Obviously, none of this is likely to win you much goodwill. You may begin to become aware of these issues at some point, most likely at the point of recovery or as you are nearing recovery. It is probably because you now have the time to think and can allow yourself to ponder the impact your illness has had on those close to you.

For instance, your marriage may have been weakened and damaged during the period of illness. The well spouse has had his or her life controlled by you and had to put personal plans aside. Your relation-ship with your children may now be more distant because of your being cut off from them, or they, too, may be angry at you for having controlled their lives and kept them from living as other children do. You may have also taken up a lot of the attention that would have gone to them instead. Witnessing your upsets may have upset them too. If you are one of several children in a family, your illness may have forced your parents to spend more of their time with you, and this has caused them to neglect your siblings who may now feel resentful toward you. Even if your family has been understanding and supportive, it can sometimes be another source of guilty feelings. Your friends may hardly know you any more if you have lost regular contact with them or they may now be avoiding you because you have behaved in ways that weren't average.

Where do you begin? How do you pick up these pieces? How do you now regard yourself? Having had your self-image and your relationships beaten up by the illness, I suggest that you not worsen things by mentally beating yourself up even further. Many of you may have already done this. Someone once said that guilt is only useful if it leads to some kind of change. Telling yourself how rotten and miserable you are as a person for having had an illness will hardly help you rebuild your life.

Let's get one important point straight. You did not ask for your illness - it was an accident waiting to happen. You are no more to blame than if you had developed diabetes. We can all agree that it would have been wonderful if you had been able to bravely bear up under the illness and fight off all the symptoms yourself without letting them touch anyone else's life. But, you didn't, and neither can most people. You may have eventually shown your courage by admitting that it was too much for you and then getting help. You showed it again by working your way through your treatment and putting up with all its difficulties until you reached your goal. Even if you haven't begun this recovery process yet, you may still be contemplating it.

You may say: "Okay, so I wasn't responsible for having OCD, but I still feel responsible for not having done more to keep it from affecting everyone else's life. I should have done more. I should have admitted that I had a problem. I should have gone for help sooner. I should have had the insight." It's true that you were and are responsible for helping yourself and for taking control of your illness, but why should anything have happened differently. It's always easy to sit and decide what you should have done in the past. "Shoulds" don't exist in the real world. In a fatalistic way, given all the circumstances of who you were, what your illness was, and what your environment was, things couldn't have happened much differently, otherwise they would have. It makes no sense to keep saying, "If only.." It also makes no sense to demand that things ought to have been different than they were. Things happened the way they did, period. Since you cannot change the past, your only reasonable choice is to accept it. Accepting something doesn't mean liking it. It means recognizing that something really exists, or has existed. Not accepting means that you will continue to feel disturbed about the past events, and they will have control over your life.

Along with the hard work of accepting past events, you must also accept yourself, both as you are now and as you were. You can change what you are (within reason), but you cannot change what you were. You had OCD. You could have handled it better, but you didn't. It affected others negatively. You must accept that you were and are an imperfect, mistake-making human being, just like everyone else. As such, you will continue to periodically err throughout your life. This won't change. You will need to allow for this as you move into life in the everyday world. It will also be the basis for forgiving yourself. If your OCD has been of the perfectionistic variety, this may be an extra difficult task for you. Accepting imperfection can also help maintain your recovery - everyone has slips now and then, and getting disturbed about them can lead to a relapse.

The message here is not that you should have no feelings for past problems. Having feelings is part of being human - they are natural and normal. However, it is best when they are in keeping with the event, and not all out of proportion. They should not be allowed to become yet another source of disturbance.

So what should you be feeling? I suggest that feeling sadness and regret are most appropriate. You can live with sad-ness and regret, and can find a place to put them within yourself. What you cannot easily live with is depression and self-hatred. At least, not if your goal is to recover and stay in recovery. It would be ironic if a self-induced depression for past behavior were allowed to sabotage your present recovery causing even further distress to those around you.

Beyond healing your behavior, there is a distinct and important type of healing that will result from forgiving yourself. To do this, you may actually have to go through a period of mourning, when you grieve for the fully functional life you wish you had had. It will help if you express all those upset feelings and recognize their existence by facing them. You will probably have to come to grips with the anger first. By this, I mean your anger at yourself and the OCD. The extreme sadness tends to follow once you are past the anger. You may always feel a sadness; however, it will ease somewhat in time. Therapy can be a good place to work through your anger, grief, and sadness. They will not last forever. When you finally come to the bottom of these emotions, you will hopefully be able to collect and to forgive yourself, and to begin putting your emotional and physical energy into living a more productive life.

What about the others in your life? Suppose they don't forgive or forget so easily? They may not. Remember, it is not in your power to control them or tell them how to feel or think. It's possible that, by concentrating on your recovery you can perhaps win them over someday. Perhaps. Understand that it may be a long time before they begin to trust you again and to stop scanning everything you do or say for signs that you are having symptoms or are relapsing.

If things in the past went too far or were beyond their own limits of tolerance, some of the damage may be beyond anyone's abilities to repair. Spouses sometimes ask for divorce. Children and relatives do become distant. Friends can refuse to answer your calls or letters, or may politely put you off. This is all as extremely dislikable and unwanted as can be, but it must be tolerated if you cannot change things. What choice do you have? Just like a person whose home has been hit by a tornado, you will need to begin clearing up the wreckage and to start rebuilding your life, it may have to be based on new relationships. Sometimes, a support group can be a good place to start the work of rebuilding your bridges to other people.

Keep in mind that persistence is everything. If you concentrate on living fully and in the present each day, not getting bogged down with your old regrets and resisting your "what-iffing" about the past or future, you can accomplish your healing. With this new sense of balance, you should be able to maintain a recovery.

If you would like to read more about what Dr. Penzel has to say about OCD, take a look at his self-help book, "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well," (Oxford University Press, 2000). You can learn more about it at www.ocdbook.com

Treating Morbid Obsessions

One of the less well understood areas of OCD is the area of morbid obsessions. This category includes thoughts of killing or injuring others, of having death or injury inflicted on one's self or loved ones, of acting sexually in ways that are either unnatural to the person or against society's norms, or finally, thoughts of acting inappropriately in public (e.g. taking off one's clothes, shouting obscenities, making rude gestures, etc.).

I think that we must be careful here to define what an obsession is. Unfortunately the term has been mistakenly used to describe both unpleasant repetitive thoughts and the mental rituals people use to neutralize them. It is my belief that only the former are obsessions; the latter are actually mental compulsions. Simply put, obsessions cause anxiety, while compulsions reduce anxiety.

I also believe that the reason that morbid obsessions (as well as the other types) have long been mistakenly labeled 'hard to treat' is due to three reasons. First, that practitioners often fail to distinguish between obsessions and mental compulsions. Second, that many practitioners fall into the trap of being distracted by the content of the thoughts themselves, failing to recognize them as obsessions. Such thoughts are often treated as genuine desires and impulses and the practitioner tries to 'help' the person 'control' them, or else gets lost in endless discussions of what the thoughts 'really mean'. The harm this inflicts is immense, not only for the anxiety it raises, but also because it may raise new morbid topics to obsess about. Third, that practitioners are not utilizing effective, existing techniques to their fullest.

With that established, let us get back to morbid thoughts. While there have not been many good studies about the incidence of morbid thoughts, my own experiences as a clinician tell me that they are fairly common in OCD. I would estimate that about half of my patients suffer from some form of them. When most of my patients begin treatment, they seem to believe that no one else could be as 'crazy' as they are, a notion which is usually ended both when I am able to tell them much of what they haven't yet told me they are experiencing, and when they attend a support group and hear. others say the same things. Another problem sufferers seem to be burdened with is a doubt that asks "What kind of person am I that could think such a thought? I must be a psychopath or a pervert." Not being able to resolve this doubt causes a lot of anxiety.

Morbid thoughts can be extremely unpleasant, ugly and debilitating, but they are not unbeatable. One word of caution: we lack valid treatment studies here, so I must draw on my own ten years of clinical experience with OCD. I believe that morbid obsessions must be treated behaviorally by gradual and direct confrontation via exposure and response prevention (E&RP). The thoughts themselves are easy to identify, however, many clinicians fail to spot the compulsive avoidance maneuvers that people use to escape the accompanying anxiety. Where these compulsions are happening out in the open, e.g. questioning, praying or touching rituals, counting, or simple physical avoidance, they are, again, possible to spot and suppress. What are less easy to identify are the mental compulsions, designed to neutralize the thought or ensure that the feared event will not happen. If these are not also dealt with, the treatment will not be a successful one. I have rarely seen someone have a morbid thought without having some type of accompanying compulsion. Mental compulsions may include thinking opposite or neutralizing thoughts, images, words, numbers or prayers, or arranging thoughts in a special order, to name a few. Despite the fact that you may be confronting the thoughts, the mental compulsions will still be relieving the anxiety, thus strengthening both the need to keep ritualizing, as well as the belief in the thoughts.

The obvious course of action here, is to not only have, the person expose themselves to the thoughts on a systematic basis, but also to help the person eliminate or counteract the accompanying compulsions. Where sufferers run into trouble with morbid thoughts, is that they do not stay with them long enough to see that the anxiety and preoccupation would subside without the ritual or avoidance. Some might point out here that feared consequences can be in the far future. Others might ask, "If the origin of my morbid thoughts is biological and possibly even genetic, how can changing my behaviors in dealing with them help?" The answer is that OCD is a disorder that has both biological and behavioral aspects. The biochemical problems with serotonin are the basis for the thoughts. However, what frequently worsens and maintains the thoughts are the habitual ways with which a person responds to them through avoidance or compulsion. Behavioral therapy seeks to retrain persons to establish newer, different habits which will not contribute to their obsessions.

The principle behind E&RP is that via repeated exposure to feared thoughts or situations, and when escape or avoid-ance are resisted, something called 'habituation' happens. That is, the sufferer's tolerance for the thoughts or situations gradually increases with each exposure, and these thoughts cause less and less of a fearful reaction. Eventually, with enough exposure, the thoughts can provoke little or no anxiety and do not disrupt the individual's life. When handled the wrong way (as most people do at first) morbid thoughts cause a sort of vicious circle; the more you work to compulsively neutralize them, the more the avoidance, fear and belief in them are strengthened, and the worse they get. Additionally, the stress generated in trying to 'perfectly' avoid or cancel the thoughts also leads to more thoughts.

The actual exposure itself is very straightforward. Sufferers can be exposed to morbid thoughts in a number of ways. What all these methods have in common is that they don't try to reassure. Instead they are designed to evoke anxiety by essentially saying that the thoughts are true and that the feared consequences will happen. Ideally, exposure should be done whenever and wherever the thoughts occur. One good technique is via taped presentations several minutes in length, used several times a day. Other methods could include reading books or articles that provoke the thoughts, writing essays on why the thoughts are really true, or voluntarily seeking out real-life situations likely to bring the thoughts on. An important factor to also build into these techniques, is repeatedly exposing the person to the idea that their escape or avoidance maneuvers cannot and will not work.

I usually prescribe these assignments based on a hierarchy which rates all the feared thoughts and situations in terms of the strength of the anxiety they cause. We begin with only those items lowest on the fear scale, and gradually work our way up, going at the patient's own pace. Each hierarchy and group of assignments is tailored to the particular person's symptoms. Treatment is home-based and outpatient. Homework is given in written form weekly to be done outside the office, with instructions to call if necessary. In the majority of cases, treatment is on a once a week basis, requiring one 45 minute session to debrief the past week's homework, discuss other ongoing issues in the person's life, and to give the next series of assignments. Most people have between 4 and 12 different assignments per week. The whole process takes about 6 to 9 months overall. Those with the more serious and debilitating problems may need to come more than once a week or for a longer period. A few of the most serious cases may even need hospitalization, although this is much less common or necessary.

In addition, I have found antidepressant medication to be very helpful as a co-treatment, especially where obsessions are concerned. However, if someone is reluctant to take them, the issue should not be forced. Medication can frequently reduce the level of thoughts or their strength, making it easier for the person to accomplish homework assign-ments and sometimes even just shrug thoughts off. When the person has been in a state of recovery for 6 to 12 months, they can then try reducing their medication, even discontinuing it, if symptoms do not appear to be a further problem.

To conclude, morbid obsessions are not 'the end of the line;' they can be treated, and there is hope for recovery from even the nastiest thoughts. Just make sure that what you are receiving is truly behavioral therapy of the correct type, and that your practitioner is trained and experienced enough to do it correctly.

If you would like to read more about what Dr. Penzel has to say about OCD, take a look at his self-help book, "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well," (Oxford University Press, 2000). You can learn more about it at www.ocdbook.com

To Be Or Not To Be. That Is The Obsession: Existential And Philosophical Obsessions

Steve, a 26 year-old computer programmer: “I can’t stop thinking about why we’re all here and whether there’s any purpose to life. I keep going over it in my mind all day long. I have continual thoughts of how one day I’ll be dead and no one will remember me. It will be as if I never existed. Then I ask myself, what is the use of doing anything if we’re all going to die anyway?”

Kristin, a 34 year-old homemaker: “I can’t get the idea out of my head that everything I see isn’t real. How do I know I’m not really in a coma, or else dreaming, and that my whole life is imaginary? I start to wonder if my husband and children are real and it frightens me terribly.”

Marty, a 19 year-old college student: “Every day I spend hours looking at myself in the mirror and I wonder - Is this really me? How do I know? What makes me, me, and how do I know I am who I think I am? How do I know the things I feel are my own real feelings, or that my thoughts are my own real thoughts? I also keep thinking about how vast the universe is and how we’re all just tiny specks that are meaningless. I keep thinking that because we are so insignificant, nothing we do matters, so why not give up on everything?”

What do all these people have in common? A type of OCD some refer to as “Existential Obsessions,” or in some places, as “Philosophical Obsessions.” This involves repetitive persistent questions which cannot possibly answered, and which may be philosophical or frightening, or both. The questions usually revolve around the meaning, purpose, or reality of life, the universe, existence, etc. These same questions might come up in a philosophy or physics class, however, most people can leave such classes or read about these topics and move on to other thoughts. As is the case with other forms of OCD, these people can’t drop their ideas. It is often a difficult type of OCD to recognize, as it might resemble the questions many of us sometimes wonder about and then move on from with a shrug of the shoulders. It might also be confused with the kind of ruminations people experience when they are depressed, where they keep going over negative thoughts about the seeming meaninglessness of life. As a type of OCD, it is way beyond these things.

Sufferers typically spend hour going over and over these questions and ideas and may become extremely anxious and depressed. Sometimes, others simply label them as worries or existential fears, or diagnose them as suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. When a person suffers ongoing, intrusive, repetitive, persistent, anxiety-producing, doubtful thoughts, it is most likely OCD.

Many people out there have a very stereotyped image of what OCD is all about. They generally see sufferers as people who either wash their hands too frequently, or who are super-organized and perfectionistic. While these may represent two specific types of OCD, they by no means represent the OCD population as a whole. There are literally dozens of forms that OCD may take. People’s obsessions would only seem to be limited by the imagination. Why individuals come up with their own particular types of OCD is anyone’s guess. We have no real answers to this question. Many sufferers also spend hours analyzing why they are having their particular thoughts and questioning exactly what they may mean. This activity is just another type of compulsion that accompanies their obsessive thoughts, and never leads to any true answers. If anything, it only leads to more obsessive questions. Sufferers just seem to get what they get.

Obsessive doubts cannot be argued with, reasoned out, analyzed, or questioned. They do not seem to come from the place where real thoughts come from. There are never any lasting answers to obsessive questions. Whatever answers they do come up with may only last a few minutes, but then quickly slip away in the face of newer doubts. The doubts may vary a bit, but are mostly variations on a theme. OCD is insidious, as it seems to have a way of finding out what will bother someone the most.

Most sufferers wear themselves out trying to find answers, or try to get the thoughts out of their heads, but these are the worst ways to deal with OCD. As mentioned previously, there are no answers to existential or any other obsessive questions. So what to do? Research tells us that cognitive/behavioral therapy (CBT) and medication are the best approaches to dealing with OCD. Those with mild OCD may not need medication, but the majority of suffers will always benefit from CBT. Some people go for the quick fix of relying only on medication, but it cannot change longstanding habits or your philosophy of how to deal with the things that scare you. The true purpose of medication in OCD treatment is that it makes it easier for you to do the therapy. The therapy, however, is ultimately what changes you.

Those in therapy learn to do the opposite of what their instincts tell them. Our intuition tells us to avoid or escape from things that make us anxious. Unfortunately, there is no escape from the things we fear, and there is definitely no escape from your own thoughts. You take your thoughts with you wherever you go. It is a paradox – the more you tell yourself to not think something, the more you then think of what you are not supposed to think about. Another feature is that the thoughts mostly seem to revolve around uncertainty, and we humans don’t like uncertainty. In therapy, sufferers learn to face their thoughts and to build up a tolerance to them – the anxiety they produce and the uncertainty that goes along with them. In order to do this, they have to go against their instincts even agree with the thoughts and also try to think them more, rather than less. As we like to say, “If you want to think about it less, think about it more.” This is what is included in CBT, in particular the type known as Exposure & Response Prevention. In the Exposure part, sufferers deliberately and gradually expose themselves to the feared thoughts and images, and even learn to agree with them. They learn to do this daily in a variety of ways that can include reading articles or books, watching videos, listening to home-made therapy recordings, writing feared words or sentences, actively agreeing with the thought of the moment, etc. As they do this, the thought gradually loses its impact, and even boredom can result. You can’t stay anxious where nothing ever happens to you. I have always told my patients that you cannot be bored and scared at the same time. In the Response Prevention part, the goal is to not escape or avoid, so patients are taught to agree with the thoughts, and to not try to analyze, question, or argue with them. They are also discouraged from seeking reassurance from others or even themselves, as this is another form of escape. Over time, avoidance can become an overlearned habit that becomes very automatic. You can avoid seemingly without even thinking about it. Also, avoidance simply leads to more avoidance. How can you build up your tolerance to something you never come in contact with?

Some typical Exposure homework assignments might include:

  • Making a series of gradually more challenging 2-minute recordings on your phone that tell you the fearful thought is true and listening to them several times daily

  • Posting signs or notes around your house stating the feared idea

  • Agreeing with the thoughts as much as possible whenever they occur, and also agreeing that there will be bad consequences because they are true

  • Going to places and doing activities that bring on the thoughts

  • Reading articles that seem to agree with the feared thoughts

  • Watching videos or movies that bring on the thoughts

  • Writing feared sentences 25x per day until you get bored with them (then write new ones)

Some typical Response Prevention homework assignments might include:

  • Not arguing with, questioning, or analyzing the thoughts in any way

  • Not seeking reassurance from yourself or anyone else

  • Resisting looking up articles that disprove the thoughts or tell you they don’t matter

  • Not trying to discuss the topics with others

Acceptance is another very important piece of therapy. There are several things that need to be accepted:

  • That you have OCD

  • That there is no real explanation for why you have the particular thoughts you have

  • That there are no real answers to your questions and doubts

  • That the solutions you have previously come up with haven’t worked, aren’t working now, and will not work in the future, and therefore must be abandoned because there really is no escape

  • That you can have thoughts of the type you experience, that they will not simply go away on their own, and that they can be lived with

  • That your anxiety and uncertainty can ultimately be overcome but only by confronting them and building up your tolerance to them

  • That it will take hard work, time, and practice to overcome your fears and the habits you have built up by avoiding

Most importantly, based upon what we now know about treating OCD, you do not have to suffer as you do on a daily basis. There is effective treatment out there and you would do well to find some. Every day you are not getting help is another day you have to suffer. If you aren’t having much luck finding someone on your own, check out the Find A Therapist pages on the IOCDF website (www.ocfoundation.org).

Saving the World (Compulsive Hoarding)

I was recently reminded of a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) known as "compulsive hoarding" when a patient brought me an article from a British newspaper that jokingly looked into the homes of several people afflicted with this problem. The reporter, in his ignorance, seemed to think it humorous that these homes were knee-deep in possessions, papers, broken or useless things, or just plain trash. Even in our own country, those who compulsively hoard and collect are sometimes kiddingly referred to as "pack rats," and they are laughed at as being eccentrics.

Unfortunately, compulsive hoarding is no joke. It can in fact be quite excruciating, just like any form of OCD. When you look closely at the lives of compulsive hoarders, there is no doubt that they can become incapacitated and disabled by their habits, and their lives frequently become disorganized and unmanageable. Their home lives can be rather isolated, and socializing is often a problem. They are unable to have visitors or even repairmen come into their homes, due to the serious embarrassment they would feel at having someone see the clutter.

Hoarders may collect large quantities of old newspapers and magazines, greeting cards, bottles, junk mail, plastic containers, broken appliances, old clothes, shoes, furniture, etc. They not only save broken and useless things, they also tend to save quantities of stuff that can greatly go beyond what a person could possibly ever need. This could include buying things such as soap or paper goods several cases at a time, or dozens of an item that might be on sale, but which most people would only own one of.

Typical symptoms of compulsive hoarding could include any or several of the following:

  • Saving broken, irreparable, or useless things

  • Buying excessive quantities of goods beyond the amount needed for reasonable

  • usage (some may compulsively visit every yard or garage sale in the vicinity)

  • Purchasing large amounts of useful items and storing them away for future usage, but never using them

  • Retrieving numerous materials from the trash on a regular basisHaving difficulty discarding anything due to a fear of accidentally throwing out something important

  • Information hoarding, which may involve saving excessive quantities of printed matter (newspapers, magazines, junk mail, etc.)

  • Making and keeping extensive lists or records of certain things, even after they are no longer needed

  • Saving large amounts of certain items for possible use by others or for future recycling

Actually, the urge to hoard and collect may well be strongly instinctive in many species. The familiar sights of squirrels storing seeds and acorns and birds gathering nesting materials tell us that humans are certainly not alone when it comes to collecting and saving. Among our fellow human beings, we can observe a whole range of such behaviors, both positive and negative. However, when it is expressed through OCD, it may be that an instinctive program we all carry in our brains has been inappropriately activated. This may resemble trichotillomania, where it has been theorized that grooming instincts are wrongly turned on.

I have observed that one of the main reasons for hoarding is this: a fear that if things are thrown away, they will almost certainly be needed one day, but will be gone for good. This loss will then lead to some kind of serious hardship or deprivation. This symptom is due to the chronic doubt which is a hallmark of OCD (it used to be known as 'The Doubting Diseasde' in the nineteenth century). Because of this, many hoarders seem to lack the ability to discriminate between what is truly useless and what isn't. Ironically, hoarders rarely use, much less look through, the things they save. Even when they do search through their piles and heaps, they are usually unable to find what they are looking for.

There are some who hoard for what seem like sentimental reasons they keep many or most of their old belongings. One adult patient of mine had all of her childhood toys, as well as all the clothes she had ever owned since she was a youngster. There may be a number of reasons behind such behavior. One may be superstitious bad luck may occur if they let go of any of these things. Another may be the previously mentioned fear of the loss of something needed one day. Such doubts may be further compounded if the individual is reluctant to grow up or has some reason for not wanting to give up or lose their past.

A different type of hoarding seems to relate more closely to the sort of hyperresponsible thinking often seen in OCD. Here, hoarders save things they believe will be useful to others rather than themselves. They would feel guilty and worry about being neglectful if they didn't have these things around for others who might need them someday. They may also feel guilty if they don't save a potentially useful item that could be repaired or recycled rather than discarded or wasted. In reality, no one ever really needs the things they save, and most of the things saved never get repaired or are too damaged to be fixed in any case. Being constantly reminded to save the environment and to be more green certainly doesn't help theswe individuals.

Some who appear to hoard actually don't save things for their own sake. Their obsessive doubts cause a fear that, when throwing trash away, something important will be thrown out with it by mistake. These people compulsively thumb through every page of newspapers or magazines, and they double-check the seams of paper bags, boxes, and envelopes to be certain they have not thrown out money, jewelry, or important papers. Throwing things out can involve hours of searching and checking. This can become so difficult and time-consuming, that they may eventually just stop throwing things away altogether: This type of saving may not really be true hoarding, but something more like a type of double-checking. I like to refer to it as pseudo-hoarding.

Compulsive hoarders can accumulate such large amounts of things that they create storage problems and fire hazards. In particular, huge stacks of papers, excessive furniture, old clothing, non-working appliances, etc., can quickly overwhelm a house or apartment. The range of items saved can include something potentially useful such as reusable containers, except that hoarders may have hundreds of them. The other end of the range may include such unlikely things as cigarette ashes, pet hairs, or used tissues. Entire rooms become completely unusable. I know of people who have been evicted or threatened with eviction due to the large amounts they have collected. Some hoarder's properties are declared to be public nuisances by their local governments. In such cases, the local authorities may conduct a cleanup on their own, and bill the unfortunate sufferer. Luckily, some towns and counties are becoming more educated about these problems, and are dealing with them in more humane ways. Local problems aren't the end of it. I also know of divorces resulting from a spouse refusing to live under such overwhelmingly disorganized conditions. I have seen hoarders threatened by state child protective services with the loss of their children when it was thought that unsafe or unsanitary living conditions were seen as a source of potential harm. Several years ago in our area, a case was reported of a woman who burned to death in a house filled with newspapers.

In the most extreme cases, homes can almost look as if they have been vandalized, with floors covered with debris and rooms filled to overflowing with boxes and bags full of possessions. The most famous example of a compulsive hoarder was Langley Collyer who, between 1933 and 1948, filled a mansion on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan with 120 tons of refuse, junk, and human waste. He would prowl the streets of Manhattan at night looking for items to rescue from the trash. Both he and his invalid brother, Homer, were found dead among possessions that included 11 pianos and all the components of a Model T Ford. Langley was actually crushed by a falling heap of heavy items he had rigged as a booby trap for burglars.

There are other types of hoarding, such as having to make a "complete" collection of a particular item to get a sense of "perfect" closure. There is "mental" hoarding, which is having to memorize all informa-tion on a particular topic. There is also the hoarding of memories or experiences. These symptoms seem to overlap with the problem of compulsive perfectionism. It is not unusual for some hoarders to buy and save large amounts of useful things that they then must maintain in a pristine and perfect condition. The items may be carefully wrapped, packaged, and stored away, never to be touched by anyone. Ironically, many of the saved items often deteriorate after years in storage, becoming totally unusable. Certain types of compulsive buying may be related to hoarding, depending upon what is done with the purchase.

Proper treatment for compulsive hoarding relies heavily on behavioral techniques. Hoarders need to be encouraged to gradually discard items that they find harder and harder to part with. A therapist may have to accomplish several goals: first, visit the home in order to survey the dimensions of the problem; second, determine the order in which things need to be tackled; and third, assist in the throwing-out process if the person can't seem to get started or is too great a procrastinator. I have sometimes encouraged people to begin by bringing bags of belongings to my office to start the discarding process.

Hoarders also need to be given guidelines for what is to be saved or discarded, now and in the future. We often use a "two-year rule." This states that if you haven't used it, worn it, or read it in the last two years, you don't need it. This obviously doesn't include valuables, heirlooms, or tools used only for special purposes. Some need even more specific rules. Most are discouraged from keeping more than the current week's newspapers or the latest issues of magazines, and articles are saved rather than entire issues. Mail must be sorted the day it arrives. Many also need help in organizing important personal papers and bills, and the purchase of filing cabinets is encouraged. In some cases, a therapist may also employ the services of a professional organizer to assist the sufferer in learning to manage their homes and possessions.

In serious cases, medication may help a sufferer approach the therapy process with less anxiety and fewer obsessional worries. It can also relieve serious depression that robs someone of the energy needed to clean house. The usual antidepressant drugs shown to help OCD are recommended. It is important to find a psychiatrist who is sympathetic and experienced in the treatment of OCD, which can take a certain amount of expertise to do properly.

With determination and support, hoarding can be conquered. I have seen people clean up some of the worst accumulations and keep them cleared up. There is no cure, however. In order to stay well, hoarders must learn to think differently and to keep up their new habits. Interestingly, upon recovering, the hoarder's reaction is often one of relief rather than anxiety. If this is your problem, get help. You don't have to drown in a sea of possessions and junk.

If you would like to read more about what Dr. Penzel has to say about OCD, take a look at his self-help book, "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well," (Oxford University Press, 2000). You can learn more about it at www.ocdbook.com

Samuel Johnson: A Patron Saint of OCD

When I survey my past life, I discover nothing but a barren waste of time, with disorders of the mind very near to madness.

- Samuel Johnson

Having recently returned from a brief personal OCD pilgrimage while in London, I thought I would take the opportunity to share it with the OCD membership. Yes, there really are OCD shrines, if you care to look for them. This one is located in a small, well-hidden square in the heart of the City of London, just off Fleet Street. It is a place you have to really be looking for. It was the home of one of the great minds (perhaps the greatest) of the eighteenth century, a noted literary figure, and the author of the first comprehensive dictionary of the English language: Dr. Samuel Johnson. The good doctor was considered such an important figure, that the second half of the eighteenth century is referred to as "The Age of Johnson." Dr. Johnson, by the way, also happened to be a person who suffered from rather serious cases of both OCD and Tourette's Syndrome.

He was born in 1709 in Lichfield, England, just outside of Birmingham. His father, Michael Johnson, was a bookseller of modest means. He attended Oxford University, beginning in 1728, but after thirteen months, was forced to drop out because he was too poor to continue. Following this, he experienced a period of depression. This is not surprising, since as an academically brilliant man; he had to end his college career simply due to poverty, while less intelligent children of the wealthy were able to continue theirs.

Johnson went on to attempt a career as a schoolmaster, but was hampered in this by his lack of a college degree. Also, his numerous compulsions and tics, which were quite evident, made it difficult for him to keep up a dignified appearance and earn the respect of his students.

In 1737, Johnson set out for London to make a fresh start, accompanied by one of his students, David Garrick, who would later go on to become the best-known actor/director of his time. Johnson began a literary career that would continue until his death in 1784. During that time, he produced plays, biographies, political satires, reports on parliament, works of fiction, and most notably, the most important dictionary of the English language until that time. By the time of its publication in 1755, Johnson had personally crafted over 40,000 definitions, and until the creation of the Oxford English Dictionary 150 years later, it was to stand out as 'the' dictionary. One of his other more significant achievements was his eight-volume edition of the works of Shakespeare, which he published in 1765.

Much of what we know of Johnson is thanks to James Boswell, who published his famous biography, The Life of Samuel Johnson in 1791. Boswell met Johnson in London in 1763 and the two became friends, traveling to northern Britain together. Dr. Johnson's symptoms were well known to those acquainted with him, and were well documented, particularly by Boswell. In one instance, Boswell noted one of Johnson's movement rituals -

"He had another particularity, of which none of his friends ever mentioned to ask an explanation. It appeared to me some superstitious habit, which he had contracted early, and from which he had never called upon his reason to disentangle him. This was his anxious care to go out or in at a door or passage by a certain number of steps from a certain point, or at least so as that either his right or left foot, (I am not certain which) should constantly make the first actual movement when he came close to the door or passage. I have, upon innumerable occasions, observed him suddenly stop, and then seem to count his steps with a deep earnestness, and when he had neglected or gone wrong in this sort of magical movement, I have seen him go back again, put himself in a proper posture to begin the ceremony, and having gone through it, break from his abstraction, walk briskly on, and join his companion."

Nearly everyone with OCD and/or Tourette's has had the experience of saying about his or her symptoms, "I know this sounds crazy, but I have to do it anyway." It must have been especially maddening for a man as brilliant as Johnson to find himself trapped in a web of complex and illogical rituals and tics. In the eighteenth century, there were no diagnoses for these disorders, nor was there any form of real treatment. Neither was there any understanding of these disorders on the part of the public. Such behaviors were commonly referred to as bad habits, fits, or even madness. Sufferers were either ridiculed, shunned, or both. A Miss Frances Reynolds, the sister of the renowned English painter Sir Joshua Reynolds, and a friend of Dr. Johnson's, wondered as to the cause of his strange behaviors:

"What could have induced him to practise such extraordinary gestures who can divine: his head, his hands and his feet often in motion at the same time. Many people have supposed that they were the natural effects of a nervous disorder, but had that been the case he would not have sat still when he chose, which he did, and so still indeed when sitting for his picture, as often to have been complimented with being a pattern for sitters, no slight proof of his complaisance of his or his good nature."

Obviously, Miss Reynolds could not be aware of the fact that those with tics and compulsions can, at times, successfully resist them, at least for some period of time. Her brother, Sir Joshua, had his own views on the origins of Johnson's behaviors, theorizing that,

"It proceeded from a habit which he had indulged himself in, of accompanying his thoughts with certain untoward actions as if they were meant to reprobate some part of his past conduct The great business of his life (he said) was to escape from himself, this disposition he considered as the disease of his mind, which nothing cured but company."

Those with OCD know that distraction can sometimes help to temporarily relieve obsessions, and fortunately for Johnson, he was a frequent guest in many social circles. It was perhaps Johnson's brilliant wit and creativity that won him the acceptance of so many of those around him in an age where behaviors such as he displayed could easily have been labeled as insanity. Johnson, himself, lived in lifelong fear of going mad.

On the day I chose to visit Dr. Johnson's home (now a museum), I went late in the afternoon, when it was not very crowded, and soon found myself alone there. Walking through the three stories of the small townhouse, I tried to imagine the difficulties he had had to overcome, unaided by such things as therapy, medication, or even a personal understanding of what was happening to him, in order to do even the most minor everyday tasks. I thought of my own patients, and how much harder it can be for them to do the things most of us 'neurotypicals' take for granted. As I stood in the attic where the famous dictionary was composed, I reflected upon how much greater were Johnson's achievements because of the numerous obstacles he faced daily. Surrounded by pictures of Dr. Johnson, I could almost visualize this tortured, highly intelligent man vigorously hopping back-and-forth over the thresholds of the doors, repeatedly walking up and down the two flights of stairs while counting his steps, constantly touching the floor, and mumbling repetitive prayers to himself, as he walked to his upstairs to begin work on some of the most brilliant writings of his day.

In addition to what may have been compulsive ritualizations, Johnson appears to have also suffered from obsessions involving guilt, religion, and responsibility. Comments about mental problems can be found among his writings, and it would appear that he was, in reality, speaking from personal experience. In Rasselas, Prince of Abyssinia, published in 1759, he made the following revealing observations,

"Disorders of the intellect happen much more often than superficial observers will easily believe. Perhaps, if we speak with rigorous exactness, no human mind is in its right state. No man will be found in whose mind airy notions do not sometimes tyrannise, and force him to hope or fear beyond the limits of sober probability. It is not pronounced madness but when it [be]comes ungovernable, and apparently influences speech or action."

In this same work, he goes on to state,

"No disease of the imagination is so difficult of cure, as that which is complicated with the dread of guilt: fancy and conscience that act interchangeably upon us, and so often shift their places, that the illusions of one are not distinguishable from the other. If fancy presents images not moral or religious, the mind drives them away when they give it pain, but when melancholick notions take the form of duty, they lay hold on the faculties without opposition, because we are afraid to exclude or banish them. For this reason, the superstitious are often melancholy, and the melancholy are always superstitious."

He may have also have indulged in compulsive prayer rituals to deal with his religiously scrupulous or superstitious thoughts. Boswell wrote of him,

"Talking to himself was, indeed one of his singularities ever since I knew him. I was certain that he was frequently uttering pious ejaculations; for fragments of the Lord's Prayer have been distinctly overheard."

Johnson's numerous tics were also quite well known to his acquaintances, not to mention anyone who happened across him in public. Boswell provides a description of some of his vocal tics:

"In the intervals of articulating he made various sounds with his mouth, sometimes as if ruminating, or what is called chewing the cud, sometimes giving a half whistle, sometimes making his tongue play backwards from the roof of his mouth, as if clucking like a hen, and sometimes protruding it against his upper gums in front, as if pronouncing under his breath too, too, too: all this accompanied sometimes with a thoughtful look, but more frequently with a smile."

Miss Frances Reynolds also took note of some of his motor tics, reporting that

"His mouth is continually opening and shutting, as if he were chewing something; he has a singular method of twirling his fingers, and twisting his hands; his vast body is in constant agitation, see-sawing backwards and forwards; his feet never a moment quiet; and his whole great person looked often as if it were going to roll itself, quite voluntarily, from his chair to the floor."

Describing a walk she had taken with him one day, Miss Reynolds notes

"I well remember that they (his gestures) were so extraordinary, that men, women and children gathered around him laughing and they nearly dispersed when he pulled out of his pocket Grotius' De Veritate Religionis, over which he see-sawed at such a violent rate as to excite the curiosity of some people at a distance to come and see what was the matter with him."

One further observation by Miss Reynolds was that,

"The manoeuvre that used the most particularly to engage the attention of the company was his stretching out his arm with a full cup of tea in his hand, in every direction, often to the great annoyance of the person who sat next to him, indeed to the imminent danger of their cloaths sometimes he would twist himself round with his face close to the back of his chair, and finish his cup of tea, breathing very hard, as if making a laborious effort to accomplish it. "

Johnson's numerous witty quotes fill whole sections of books, and he appears to never have been at a loss for words. One anecdote that Boswell recounts indicates Johnson's ability to cope with the remarks and questions of others concerning his odd behaviors in public

"I am happy, however, to mention a pleasing instance of his enduring with great gentleness to hear one of his most striking peculiarities pointed out. A very young girl, struck by his extraordinary motions said to him, "Pray Dr. Johnson, why do you make such strange gestures?" "From bad habit," he replied. "Do you, my dear, take care to guard again bad habits."

In actuality, Johnson rarely spoke of his compulsive and ticcing behaviors, but was apparently able to speak up in his own defense. When, at a dinner, he accidentally knocked a fellow guest's shoe off her foot with one of his hand movements, he responded to the laughter that inevitably followed, saying

"I know not that I have justly incurred your rebuke. The motion was involuntary, and the action not intentionally rude."

From my nearly twenty years experience as a clinician, I can only imagine what this man endured, both in public and in private. Those with OCD and Tourette's have made great strides in the last twenty years in terms of gaining public understanding and the finding of more effective treatments. It is saddening to look back on those in the past who had no choice but to painfully face life each day in the face of the overwhelming odds their seemingly mysterious symptoms presented them with. No doubt, Dr. Johnson was having one of those symptom-filled days when he came up with the quote that opened this article. It is uplifting and inspiring, however, to also look back upon what some of them were able to accomplish in spite of their problems. They serve as great examples to all who suffer. Perhaps there really are patron saints of OCD, and if so, Dr. Samuel Johnson may have been one of them. I will leave you with one last quote of Dr. Johnson's, perhaps a thought that helped him to sustain himself (and one more optimistic than the quote this article began with)

"Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance."

Dr. Fred Penzel is a licensed psychologist who has specialized in the treatment of OCD and related disorders since 1982. He sits on the Science Advisory Board of the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation, and is a frequent contributor to the newsletter. He is the author of the self-help book "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide To Getting Well And Staying Well." You can find out more about this book at www.ocdbook.com, and can contact him at: 
penzel@attglobal.net

Panic Disorder (General information)

Panic disorder would best be described as sudden episodes of intense fear accompanied by strong physical discomfort which might include such sensations as rapid heartbeat, nausea, dizziness, shortness of breath, feelings of unreality or distance from one's surroundings, etc. (see Self-Screen For Panic Disorder elsewhere on this site). Panic attacks may occur either when awake or asleep. The disorder tends to begin during the teenage or early adult years, and is believed to affect one out of every seventy-five people. About one third of those with panic disorder also suffer from what is known as Agoraphobia. A Greek word, it literally means "fear of the marketplace" and has been interpreted to mean fear of open spaces, however, this is not correct. In actuality, it could be characterized as a fear of having a panic attack when venturing away from home, either when alone or accompanied. Thus, Agoraphobia sufferers tend to have a very restricted ability to travel, and may sometimes become housebound. Traveling on trains or buses may be a problem, too, as sufferers fear they will not be able to get off, if and when they start to feel anxious. Most difficult situations for Panic sufferers would seem to have, as their main element, a feeling of being physically "trapped" somewhere, where flight is not possible. When traveling by car, they often may prefer to be the driver, so that they can be in control of the car and either pull off the road or turn back if anxiety should set in. When driving on highways, they may also tend to drive exclusively in the right-hand lane for the same reasons. Driving via back roads rather than main streets is frequently seen. Driving over bridges or through tunnels can be extremely difficult or impossible for Agoraphobia sufferers. It would almost seem that their whole lives are dedicated to avoiding the experience of a panic attack. Other activities which seem to be difficult for Panic sufferers would include standing on long lines, in stores, sifting up front or in the middle of a row in a theatre (away from the aisle), or sitting far from the entrance in a restaurant.

There are a number of theories about the genesis of panic attacks. Several competing biological theories suggest that there is some type of brain dysfunction that makes sufferers prone to panic attacks. One theory hypothesizes that there is a "suffocation alarm" in the brain that is being inappropriately tripped off. Another theory suggests that some individuals possess an "anxiety sensitivity" which makes them more prone to overreact to their own feelings of anxiety. These possibilities are still in the process of being researched. There does exist some evidence that the tendency to develop Panic Disorder may run in families.

Although they might have difficulty believing it at first, panic sufferers actually cause their own panic attacks. From the cognitive viewpoint, panic disorder (with or without Agoraphobia) would appear to be based upon a misinterpretation of the bodily experiences that normally accompany anxiety. Sufferers may actually believe that their rapid heartbeat means that they are having a heart attack; that their shortness of breath means that they are suffocating or choking to death; that their feelings of dizziness mean that they will faint or pass out; or that their feelings of unreality or distance from their surroundings mean that they are losing control or will go crazy. They seem to not be able to recognize that what is happening to them is the normal "fight or flight" response, in which blood pressure drops, and adrenaline is pumping into their bloodstream, causing rapid heartbeat. Sufferers also engage in a certain amount of superstitious thinking if they have experienced a panic attack in a particular place, or during a particular activity, they may come to believe that these places or activities actually cause panic attacks. Because of this, they avoid these things, and their lives become more and more restricted. This sets up a vicious circle, which tends to generate more and more panic attacks as time goes on. Thus, a sufferer will become apprehensive when approaching a particular situation, or when experiencing a particular sensation, which will then generate bodily sensations of anxiety. They may also breathe abnormally hyperventilating or holding their breath, which only worsens things. They become increasingly fearful of these sensations, which only generates more apprehension and physical sensations. This turns into a downward spiral that culminates in a full-blown panic attack.

Treatment generally requires a multi-pronged approach. First, would be behavioral therapy (BT). In BT, patients are taught anxiety management skills, which would include breathing retraining (to fight the tendency to hyperventilate or hold one's breath when anxious), and progressive muscle relaxation to damp down the "fight or flight" reaction and accompanying sensations. A further technique known as "interoceptive exposure" is also used. Using this, patients are taught how to gradually bring on and expose themselves to greater and greater doses of the physical sensations they fear, in order to build a tolerance to them, and to learn they really are not harmful. This amounts to conducting behavioral experiments to see if dreaded predictions will actually come true.

Second, is cognitive therapy. This is employed to teach sufferers how to challenge their misinterpretations of their own physical sensations, and correctly identify what is really happening to them. It aims to correct this unhelpful self-talk. Beliefs such as "A racing heart means I am having a heart attack, "or "Feeling of unreality mean that I will go crazy" are examined for their logical content, and then corrected. This is done at first, in practice exercises, and then later in real-life situations on a systematic basis. Cognitive therapy may also be useful in another way. I have frequently observed that Panic Disorder may begin or worsen in individuals who find themselves "trapped" by life circumstances such as relationships, jobs, family problems, etc.. These are obvious sources of stress, which is known to worsen all types of psychological problems. Cognitive therapy can help them to cope and to sort things out so they can find solutions to these situations, thus relieving the stress caused by them.

Third, may be the use of medications, although whether or not these are required may depend upon the individual and the intensity of their symptoms. While the biological basis of panic disorder has not yet been established, it is clear that in severe cases, medication will be necessary and helpful. It is probably best to look upon medication as a tool to help you to do cognitive/behavioral therapy. Although antianxiety medications such as Xanax and Klonopin are widely used to treat panic, they are habit-forming, and are short acting. Many individuals do better using SSRI-type antidepressants, which only have to be taken once per day, and will not cause withdrawal if discontinued. Medication can lower the panic threshold, and many sufferers who take it observe that while they may experience some pre-panic sensations, the attacks don't seem to occur. This gives them more confidence to then pursue behavioral assignments and to restore their mobility.

One further suggestion which I have frequently recommended to my Panic patients, and which many have found helpful is that they become involved in some type of activity which helps to reduce their physical tension. This may include some form of regular exercise or stretching regimen. I have actually found yoga to be extremely helpful, and have sent quite a number of my patients to classes to study it. It teaches stretching, breathing skills, and meditation - all extremely useful to panic sufferers.

Loves Me? Loves Me Not? (Relationship obsessions)

"I really care about my wife," my new patient Ed told me, "but I just can't get this idea out of my head that I don't actually love her." Ed was a fifty-one year old successful businessman and entrepreneur. Over the last two years he had been increasingly troubled by repetitive thoughts about his wife not being "the right one" for him, that he would never be happy with her, and that unless he left her, he would forever feel trapped in this unhappy relationship. He would stare continually at other women as a way of double-checking, to see if he found them more attractive than his wife. As he looked, he wondered, "Do I have to leave her because she isn't attractive enough for me, or because these other women look more attractive?" This staring had gotten him into difficulties on several occasions. He and his wife had two children and their marriage had always been a generally happy one. He felt very isolated with these thoughts, and had never shared them with his wife.

Another patient, Maria, was having a somewhat different experience. The thirty-two year old school teacher, related, "I can't stop thinking about my fiancée's last girl friend. I keep asking him over and over if she was mean to him, and also about why they really broke up. I have this idea that I don't have the whole story. I can't stand not knowing." Maria had been relentlessly hounding her boyfriend to discuss these topics day and night. She had no hesitation about calling him at 3 a.m. to question him yet one more time. This had led to an escalating level of arguments, and a refusal on his part to discuss the subject with her any further. They were on the verge of breaking up when she decided to go for help. She felt distressed that she could not prevent herself from constantly bringing up these nagging questions, even though she realized what the consequences were.

Finally, there was Henry, a twenty-two year old graduate student. Things had gone a bit further in his case, and in a not particularly good way. Henry's girlfriend, a fellow student, had broken up with him two months previously following an eight-month relationship. At the time, she explained that she just didn't think he was her type, even though she thought he was "a nice guy." Unfortunately, this was not enough for Henry. As in the case of Maria, he believed that there was more to the story than his girlfriend had told him. He wondered if perhaps she had broken up with him over a simple misunderstanding, which if corrected, would fix everything. He began calling her on the phone several times per day to ask the same questions, and when she began to screen her phone calls, he started to show up at her classes and hound her with the same questions. He also asked her friends some of these questions. Unfortunately for him, she complained to campus security about this, and he soon found himself in the dean's office to explain his behavior. Only the threat of expulsion from his school forced him to stop, and he resolved to quit before it was too late. His good intentions didn't last more than about two weeks. He then began to wait for her outside her house. This resulted in her obtaining a legal order of protection from a judge, and a threat of arrest if he called her on the phone, or came within one hundred yards of her or her home. The word "stalker" was mentioned. "This just isn't me," he told me emphatically. "I really want to stop, but these doubts just eat away at me. It's like they just won't leave me alone. I have to have answers."

These people were not simply wrestling with relationship problems. What they were dealing with was another form of problem altogether. All three were subsequently diagnosed with OCD, known in former times as "the doubting disease." This is not simply ordinary doubt. It is doubt raised to the level of a serious disturbance. An obsessive thought can be very insidious and persistent. It is like a severe and maddening itch that cannot be scratched. Why OCD picks on particular topics remains a mystery. It may be something previously important to the sufferer, or not. At times, it does seem to have an uncanny way of interfering with whatever the sufferer cares about the most. When OCD intrudes into relationships, the effects can be severe. Often, the sufferer doesn't realize that OCD is really the underlying problem they are just too close to what is happening. The partner on the receiving end is equally mystified, and cannot comprehend what has happened to a person that they thought they knew. Problems such as these can build up gradually over years, or may begin suddenly. Sometimes, in looking back over past relationships, a sufferer can begin to see a pattern of smaller occurrences, though perhaps not as severe.

Each of these three individuals had eventually found their way to treatment. Ed insisted at the first visit that his wife not find out. Maria actually brought her boyfriend to her second session so that he could learn about what she was dealing with, and that her urge to question him wasn't her fault. Henry, like Ed, came alone, but hoped to find out enough about the disorder to be able to eventually write his ex-girlfriend a letter and send some OCD pamphlets so she would understand that he was not a "crazy" or hostile person.

Treatment options for all three consisted of a type of behavioral therapy known as Exposure and Response Prevention (E&RP) together with medication in the form of SSRI-type antidepressants. Ed opted for behavioral therapy alone, while Henry and Maria resorted to both. Obsessions are intrusive, repetitive, doubtful thoughts that suggest that harm may come to the sufferer or others in some way. Compulsions are any mental or physical activity performed for the purpose of relieving the anxiety caused by obsessions. In E&RP, sufferers are gradually exposed to those things that bring on their fearful obsessive thoughts, so that they may gradually build up a tolerance to them, and not feel the need to question, check, or perform other compulsions in order to relieve the anxiety. Those who practice this diligently find themselves getting better over time, rather than worsening, as they might have at first predicted. Although all three believed that the answer to their doubts had to be out there somewhere, it was explained that this was really an internally generated problem that had to be confronted rather than avoided. Their attempts to escape their obsessions by getting more information had only led to more doubt and thus, further difficulties. They were all forced to accept that they had gone as far with their compulsive checking and questioning activities as they could safely go, and it was clear that they would never resolve their doubts in these ways. Their solutions had ironically become their problems.

Now, their problems had to become their solutions. That is, the things they had been avoiding would now be used to help them. Please note that the following descriptions of their therapies are only simplified summaries. There is actually a lot more to behavioral therapy than can be described in this article.

Ed listened to tapes and did writing assignments about how he would remain "trapped" and miserable in a loveless marriage. He also watched videos and read books on similar themes. He was assigned to look at pictures of attractive women and, discreetly, attractive women he saw in public places, while telling himself how much happier he would be with them instead.

Maria also listened to tapes and did writing assignments. Her exposure centered on the theme that there were a great many things she would never know about her boyfriend's past. that she would never really understand him, and he would never tell her about any of these things. She was assigned to look at pictures of her boyfriend's former girlfriend, posted on her walls with question marks drawn all around them. She was also forbidden to question her boyfriend about any of her pet subjects. Fortunately, her boyfriend was willing to cooperate with her therapy, and whenever she slipped and asked him a question (no one gets well perfectly), he was directed to say to her "Sorry, you know I'm not allowed to tell you." If she told him "You're not helping me, he was also directed to say "I am helping you. I'm helping you to recover.

Henry, of course, was assigned to stay as far away from his ex as possible, and was forbidden to call her or her friends. His audiotapes and writing assignments exposed him to his obsessive thought that he would never really know why his ex broke up with him, that he would live out the rest of his life without that information, would never get back together with her, and that it would no doubt harm his future relationships. He read books and watched movies about breakups. He was directed to post signs around his apartment that said such things as "You'll never really know," or "She's hiding the truth from you."

In these particular cases, things turned out well. All three experienced anxiety at first, but over time they eventually lost interest in their particular subjects. They discovered after repeated exposure that they could not feel bored and anxious at the same time. At the infrequent times when their obsessive thoughts did occur, they now provoked little or no reaction. Maria and Henry both felt the medication had given them an edge, as it had reduced the frequency and intensity of their thoughts. All eventually came to see that their fears could not simply be avoided or neutralized, and that there was no true escape other than facing them.

Although these three individuals were fortunate enough to get help, there are, no doubt, many others out there with similar stories who do not even understand what they are up against, or that others suffer in similar ways. They may believe that they only have some kind of relationship problem, and are not aware that help is available. Some have lost important relationships, and may even have had tangles with a justice system that simply didn't understand them. If your story is similar, don't wait until there are serious consequences. Get help as soon as possible.

If you would like to read more of what Dr. Penzel has to say about OCD, take a look at his OCD self-help book, "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well," (Oxford University Press, 2000). You can learn more about it at www.ocdbook.com

Inositol and Trichotillomania

EDITORS NOTE: DR. FRED PENZEL HAS BEEN A LONGTIME FRIEND OF THE TRICH COMMUNITY. WHEN HE TOLD US ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCE WITH INOSITOL, I SUGGESTED HE WRITE ABOUT IT FOR US. REMEMBER, THIS IS INFORMATIONAL ONLY, AND MAY NOT BE OF USE TO EVERYONE. IF YOU DECIDE TO TRY INOSITOL ON A TRIAL BASIS, PLEASE WORK WITH YOUR HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL TO DETERMINE IF IT IS APPROPRIATE FOR YOUR BODY. THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT. DON'T MIX CHEMICALS (NATURAL OR SYNTHETIC) WITHOUT A FULL UNDERSTANDING OF THE POTENTIAL INTERACTIONS. JUST BECAUSE IT IS "NATURAL" DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS ALWAYS BENEFICIAL! BUT, ON THE OTHER HAND, OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE HAVE REPORTED THAT DIETARY CHANGES AND VARIOUS SUPPLEMENTS DEFINITELY AFFECT THE URGE TO PULL, SO PERHAPS THIS ARTICLE MAY ADD A LITTLE MORE TO YOUR "TRICH TOOL-BOX!"

At the American Psychiatric Association (APA) conference in 1996, a paper was delivered on the treatment of obsessive compulsive disorder with inositol, one of the B-vitamins. It seemed to indicate that this might be a viable treatment for OCD. As someone who treats OCD and related disorders, I am always on the lookout for new approaches. I did some further research, and found that Since the early 1970s, a number of papers have been published on the use of inositol in the treatment of OCD, depression, and anxiety. It seems that Inositol is converted by the body to a substance that regulates the action of serotonin within brain cells. Serotonin, as we know, is a brain transmitter chemical that has been implicated in OCD and trich. Not all of these studies were conducted in the most scientific manner, but nevertheless, my curiosity had been piqued.

After several discussions with one of the psychiatrists at my clinic, we looked into its safety and possible interactions with other drugs. It appeared that most people took in an average of about 1 grain of inositol each day in their diets. We discovered that apart from some harmless digestive tract side effects, it appeared to be quite tolerable, and would not interact harmfully with any of the SSRIs our patients were taking for their OCD. At about the same time, (September, 1996) a double-blind placebo-controlled study on the use of high doses of inositol was published in the American Journal of Psychiatry. The study was conducted by Dr. Mendel Fux and colleagues in Israel. Although it was only a small study involving thirteen individuals, inositol was found to have a significant effect upon the symptoms of OCD. It was shown to work as well and as quickly as the SSRIs Prozac and Luvox. The patients in this study had either not been able to find relief via standard medications, or were unable to tolerate medication side effects. Dosages in the study were built up to 18 grams per day.

The article proved to be the convincer for us. We had a number of OCD patients, who were only getting partial relief from prescription antidepressants, so we decided to suggest the possibility of their trying inositol as an augmenting agent, in addition to what they were already taking. I should mention here that our clinic is a rather busy treatment center, and unfortunately, not really geared toward conducting research, so we really didn't collect any data on this. I know my learned colleagues will shake their heads at this, and they would be right. In any case, we started to see some positive results among approximately 50% of those who tried It. In most cases, these results ranged from at least mild to moderate relief of symptoms. A few reported even more improvement. We have generally built up our patients over a six-week period, starting with 1 teaspoon (2gms) twice per day, and going as high as 3 teaspoons, three times per day. It turned out that not everyone required the full 18 grams used in the Fux study. One person was seen to improve on just 2 grams daily.

Recently, we began to take a second look at some of our trich patients, some of whom, like the study participants, were unable to get help from medications. A few others were somewhat fearful of medications, and were looking for an alternative. We suggested that they try using the inositol in the same manner as our OCD patients. Since that time, we have seen some positive results in several cases, In both children and adults. I have also received some positive calls from various hair pullers around the country who have heard of inositol, and tried it. Although it was probably not as precise as we would have liked, we based our children's doses on body weight, figuring roughly that a 40-lb. child could tolerate a maximum dose of up to 6gms. of inositol per day.

 I do not believe that inositol is a 'miracle drug' for everyone with trich. There are no miracle treatments. I am sharing this information with the readership in hopesthat it may help at least some people who have not otherwise been able to get relief, or who are too afraid of prescription medications to try anything. I also decided to write about this because I felt that some people might hear of this through some other sources, and try inositol without any guidance.

**Please note the following: This advice is purely informational, and not in any way meant to be a substitute for treatment by a licensed physician. Do not try this, or anything else, without first consulting your physician. If your M.D. has not heard about it, refer them to the American Journal of Psychiatry article and let them decide.

Obviously, before you run out and try anything new, you should always consult your physician. If your physician recommends trying this, you might also want to mention the following information to him or her:

  1. It cannot be taken together with Lithium, as it seems to block its action.

  2. The chief side effects of inositol are gas and diarrhea. Some people get this for the first few days and then it clears up. Some of those taking it never have this side effect, and some only get it when they take more than a particular amount.

  3. I have heard reports that caffeine lowers inositol levels in the body, so if you are a heavy coffee drinker, you might consider cutting down or eliminating this from your diet. Actually, stimulants such as caffeine can sometimes contribute to hair pulling, etc.

  4. It should be purchased in powdered form, and taken dissolved in water or fruit juice. It has a sweet taste, and is chemically related to sugar. If you mix it continuously for about 2 minutes, and if it is allowed to stand for about 10 minutes after mixing it, it seems to dissolve better. If it still doesn't dissolve well (not all brands do), stir it up and drink it quickly before it settles.

  5. Inositol is a water soluble vitamin, so although the doses appear to be large, it will not build up to toxic levels in the body. Whatever the body doesn't use is excreted. The average person normally takes in about 1 gram of inositol each day via the food they eat.

  6. It can be built up according to the following schedule (1 teaspoon=2 grams, and be sure to use a measuring spoon) for an adult:

  • Week 1 - 1 teaspoon/2x per day

  • Week 2 - 1 teaspoon/3x per day

  • Week 3 - 1.5 teaspoons/3x per day

  • Week 4 - 2 teaspoons/3x per day

  • Week 5 - 2.5 teaspoons/3x per day

  • Week 6 - 3 teaspoons/3x per day

A child can be built up to 3 teaspoons per day over the same six week period. Dosages for adolescents can be adjusted according to weight. In either case, it is best to allow side effects to be the guide. If they begin to occur, it is not considered wise to increase the dosage unless they subside.

Once a person has reached either the maximum dosage, or the greatest amount they are able to tolerate, it is best to try staying six weeks at that level to see if there is any noticeable improvement. If there is none by the end of that time, it should probably be discontinued. As with any treatment, those who are absolutely positive that it will help are only setting themselves up, and may wind up more than disappointed. Everything works for someone, but nothing works for everyone.

One further note. I know personally of one case where an adolescent with trich was administered a combination of inositol and a substance known as 5-HTP, which is a breakdown product of the amino acid L-Tryptophan. The body manufactures serotonin from 5-HTP, and serotonin is believed to be one of the brain transmitter chemicals implicated in trichotillomania. Taking this is believed to raise serotonin levels in the brain. This adolescent got partial results with inositol, and seemed to get a complete remission of the urge to pull with the addition of 100 mg. of 5-HTP daily. 5-HTP can cause drowsiness, and is usually taken at bedtime. It should never be taken with any prescription antidepressant or herbal products such as St. John's Wort, as it can cause a very serious condition called serotonergic syndrome.

Again, none of the above is meant to be a substitute for expert medical advice. As with inositol, 5-HTP should not be taken without the supervision of a licensed physician. I find reports such as this rather interesting. and further study is clearly needed. It may have implications for the future treatment of trich.

*** As an interesting side note, a study was published (Seedat et al, 2001) since this article was written, in which three women with hair pulling and compulsive skin picking were treated with inositol. All three were seen to improve and this improvement was seen to continue through a 16-week follow-up period. Hopefully, there will be further studies on the usefulness of this compound.

If you would like to read more of Dr. Penzel's writings on Trichotillomania, take a look at his self-help book, "The Hair-Pulling Problem: A Complete Guide to Trichotillomania," ) Oxford University Press, 2003. You can find out more about it at www.trichbook.com

How To Defeat OCD By Surrendering

Over the years, I have watched my OCD patients putting great amounts of emotional, mental, and physical energy into the struggle against their symptoms. OCD, as we know, is especially characterized by doubt, and they seemed to believe that there just had to be a way to overcome their crushing doubts and the severe resulting anxiety. They usually did this by trying to achieve perfect certainty in one way or another. They had to get their compulsions ‘just right’ to make sure that something bad had not already happened, wasn’t happening now, or wouldn’t happen in the future. Unfortunately, they had all overlooked the major flaw underlying these attempts, which was that there is no such thing in life as perfect certainty. It is quite understandable why someone with OCD would do this. You might say it is instinctive to try to be perfectly certain in an uncertain and potentially threatening situation.

Given the fact that we do not live in a perfect world, that human beings are all basically flawed and imperfect, that we cannot predict the future, and that we cannot control very much outside ourselves, it is easy to see why the quest for certainty will always be doomed and hopeless. Clearly, anyone starting out with a doomed project is going to waste a lot of time and effort, and that only anger, anxiety, and depression can result. This is one future happening we really can predict.

So, with this in mind, what’s an OC sufferer to do, if relief from anxiety and doubt is their goal? We already know what doesn’t work, so that eliminates a lot of possibilities, including compulsive checking, counting, avoiding, repeating, reassurance seeking, washing, questioning, analyzing, undoing, saving, performing magical rituals, etc.. I like to remind my patients that these tactics never worked in the past, aren’t working in the present, and are unlikely to ever work in the future. We can file them all under ‘Hopeless.’ Granted, it isn’t always easy to convince sufferers that their tactics really are hopeless. Some folks have to sink to the bottom and suffer major losses in their lives before they are finally willing to admit that their compulsive attempts to relieve their anxiety really are hopeless.

Logic would seem to indicate that when you are clearly fighting for a lost cause, have been defeated at every turn, and have no chance of ever retreating, regrouping, and turning things around, your only other option is to ‘give up.’ Basically, this involves symbolically raising your hands, raising the white flag, and saying, “I surrender.” Understand, too, that this surrender must be unconditional and total. You cannot surrender some of your symptoms and still keep others.

So is that it? The answer is, “Not exactly.”

In the world of OCD, one of the big truths you come to discover is that it is a realm of opposites. OCD turns out to be something known as a paradox. One definition of a paradox is – “A statement contradictory to received opinion.” In this case, it would be the statement that, “All the things you thought were going to make you better, will only make you worse.” That is, the compulsions you thought were going to make the thoughts and the anxiety go away only ended up taking over your life by making you addicted to them, and ultimately, paralyzing you. Put another way, your attempts to use compulsions (no matter what kind) start out as solutions to the problem of obsessions, but they gradually become the problem itself. In this world of opposites, however, it also turns out that, “The things you thought were going to make you worse, happen to be the very things that make you better.” How does this get turned into something that you can use to help yourself?

In line with this being paradoxical, it means that you need to stop escaping and avoiding, and face the very thing you fear. Obsessive thoughts are internal mental events that run on their own biology, independent of your other thought processes, and therefore can’t simply be shut off. They are not something in your external environment that can be run away from. The truth is, there is no escape from what you fear, and therefore the only real option you have is to face it. If you look carefully at any good treatment for fears, phobias, and anxieties, they are all ultimately based on facing what you fear. Facing what you fear is a way of getting closer to the truth. You are no longer speculating about what might happen – you are finding out what really happens. Everyone with OCD has a theory about what will happen if they do or don’t do their chosen compulsions. I like to tell my patients that facing your fear is like being a scientist testing your theories to arrive at the truth. In the case of OCD, the truth people discover is that their theory is disproved, and the dreaded consequence never happens. Just telling them this, however, is not enough. People have to experience this for themselves for it to have a real impact.

In practical terms, what this means is learning to gradually surrender your compulsions and it means learning to agree with all your intrusive unpleasant doubts. I make it a point of informing patients that the anxiety isn’t the real problem. The compulsions are the problem, and are what tie their lives up in knots. Many of you will remark at this point, “Easy for you to say. The thoughts seem so real that I can’t refuse to act on them. How can I stop doing compulsions? If could do that, I wouldn’t have OCD.” The thought of opposing your thoughts isn’t always easy to grasp. This is because we humans tend to walk around with the idea that because we think something, it must mean something, must be important because we thought it, and must be acted on. In the case of OCD, however, this doesn’t turn out to be true. An engineer and former patient of mine found it helpful to label his frightening obsessions as synthetic thoughts. I think this is a good way to characterize them. Even if you can’t label them in a helpful way, you can at least try to take it on faith that what the thoughts are telling you may not be accurate.

In addition to the thoughts seeming so real, many sufferers seem to have the idea that, “OCD makes me do these things.” My answer to this is to say - No, OCD can only whisper in your ear and tell you dislikable things. It cannot make you do anything. While it is true that obsessions are biologically generated intrusive thoughts, compulsions are simply very bad solutions youyourself, have invented as a way of dealing with the anxiety resulting from your obsessive thoughts. You make yourself do compulsions. You have created them, and all the rules governing them. You rehearse them and turn them into habits. The bulk of the problems occurring within your OCD come from you. The main reason that compulsions seem so hard to stop is because you have rehearsed them so often that they have become very automatic habits that are easy to do without thinking. You get good at things you rehearse a lot.

This is where we get to the good news. I say this, because if you are creating, carrying out, and practicing these things, then you should also be able to stop them. You made the all rules, it is your game, and you can therefore change the rules. Is this easy to do? The obvious answer is, “No.” Tackling them is hard work. No question about it. I would never say that overcoming OCD is easy, and I never use that word when it comes to OCD. Most of the important things in life never are.

So how do you go about getting yourself out of this paradoxical OCD fix? In order to do this, you need to first accept several things:

  1. there really is no escape from what you fear

  2. the compulsions don’t work, will never get you to a place where you can live life as you really desire, and must be surrendered

  3. the responsibility for your compulsions is yours, and yours alone, and that you are making yourself do them – not OCD

  4. you are really the only one who can eliminate them (although you may need guidance in doing this)

  5. they must be faced one way or another if you are to recover, and that it will not be easy to do

  6. you will have to eliminate all of them if you are to stay recovered

Once you have accomplished the above, the next step is to get yourself into treatment, whether it is of the self-help variety, or done with the help of an expert therapist. This treatment should take the form of what is known as Exposure and Response Prevention (E&RP). In a nutshell, it involves gradually exposing yourself to, and agreeing with, increasingly fearful and challenging obsessive thoughts and situations that will cause the thoughts, while at the same time resisting the urge to do the compulsions you have used to relieve your anxiety. Going back to our title, you have to gradually surrender to having to face your fear, and surrender your compulsions. In doing this, you will gradually build a tolerance to the things you fear, and also weaken the connections you have created between having your doubtful, fearful thoughts, and performing compulsions. You will find that your anxiety decreases as your tolerance increases, and that the thoughts have less and less impact. Eventually you can accept that you can have an obsessive thought and not have to act on it in any way. A good therapist can set up and help you with a treatment plan designed to accomplish all this. Medication, too, can help this process by lessening the intensity and frequency of the thoughts.

How long will this take? That depends upon how many thoughts and compulsions you have to work on, whether you get help from medication, and how willing you are to take on your symptoms. Don’t wait around. If you procrastinate about it, it certainly won’t happen any sooner. Start working on your surrender.

Fred Penzel, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist who has specialized in the treatment of OCD and related disorders since 1982. He is the executive director of Western Suffolk Psychological Services in Huntington, Long Island, New York, a private treatment group specializing in OCD and related disorders. He has written numerous articles that have been featured in many issues of the OCD Newsletter.

Getting the Right Treatment (Finding proper CBT treatment for OCD and BFRBs)

Whenever you get the name of a behavioral therapist or psychiatrist, whatever the source, be sure to check out the practitioner's credentials and level of knowledge and experience. Don't be afraid to conduct a mini-interview with them when you call. You have the right to assertively question their ability to help you. Be sure to ask the following types of questions when you call the practitioner:

  1. "What degrees do you hold and are you state licensed?" (Avoid the unlicensed as they are unregulated, uninsured, and you will have no protection if you feel you have not been treated properly.)

  2.  "Do you specialize in OCD (or Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Trichotillomania, Compulsive Skin Picking, or Compulsive Nail Biting as the case may be)? What are your qualifications, and have you had any special supervised training in the treatment of my disorder?"

  3. "How long have you been in practice? How many cases of my disorder have you treated? What percentage of your cases have been adults vs. children. How many cases of this are you currently treating?"

  4. "What is your orientation?" (Ask this question only if you are calling about getting therapy, not medication. The correct answer should be 'behavioral' or 'cognitive/behavioral.')

  5. "Do you endorse the use of behavioral therapy together with medication?" (Ask this if you are calling a psychiatrist. The correct answer should be "Yes.")

  6. "Do you endorse the use of medication (if necessary) together with behavioral therapy? (Ask this if you are calling a behavioral therapist. The correct answer should be "Yes.")

  7. What techniques do you use to treat disorders such as mine? (Ask this if you are calling about cognitive/behaviour for OCD and BDD, and Habit Reversal Training as well as Comprehensive Behavioral Therapy for TTM, skin picking and nail biting. (A therapist who uses these techniques is probably trained in cognitive therapy as well, but ask if they have training in this approach anyway.)

  8. What is your fee? Are your services covered by insurance (if this is an important factor in affording therapy)? Note: Check your own insurance coverage before you call to make sure you are covered for outpatient mental health services. Also find out about how much coverage you have.

  9. How often would you have to see me? (Once per week is about average, unless you are looking into intensive short-term therapy for OCD or BDD).

  10. On the average, how long does the treatment take? (This may be a difficult question to answer if there are other problems to be solved in addition to an OC disorder)

If you are not happy about the answers you are getting, or if the person you are talking to is being evasive, don't hesitate to go elsewhere. Keep trying until you find someone you feel comfortable with. In any case, be persistent and don't give up.

If you would like to read more about what Dr. Penzel has to say about OCD and related problems, take a look at his self-help book, "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well," (Oxford University Press, 2000). You can learn more about it at www.ocdbook.com

But I Love My Kids (Parents With Thoughts of Harming Their Children)

Make no mistake about it, obsessions, whatever the category, are nasty in content, and very difficult to live with. If I were asked about which ones I think are among the most punishing to sufferers, I would have to say that my own selection as a therapist would be morbid thoughts, and of the many subtypes of morbid obsessive thoughts, wanting to harm your own children would probably get my vote. In actuality, all forms of OCD are unpleasant and torturous for sufferers, so perhaps this may be my own prejudice showing, being that I am a parent myself.

Any normal parent feels a strong protectiveness toward his or her offspring. When they are very young, we feel concern for every aspect of their lives. Even after they have become adults, we worry about their well-being and happiness. Is it any wonder, then, that when a parent suddenly begins to have thoughts about injuring, sexually molesting, or murdering their beloved child (or children) this would strike fear in the deepest recesses of their instincts?

Some of the most anxious and depressed people I ever see in my practice fall within this group. I am not thinking here about parents who obsess about causing their children harm via forgetfulness or carelessness. I am not even referring to those who think of doing harm to other people's children. These, too, are all very difficult thoughts to have to endure. I am strictly speaking about those who experience ideas that they are going to actively stab, strangle, drown, suffocate, beat, sexually fondle, or rape their own children. I would also include here those who think they may have intentionally molested or injured their own child (or children) in the past.

I would ask all those neurotypicals (those of you with normally functioning brain structures and chemistry) who may be reading this to imagine, for a moment, what it is like to experience such unpleasant things being broadcast from within your own mind on a steady basis, and not being able to change the channel. I would further ask you to imagine questioning yourself continually why you are having these thoughts, and what their occurrence might mean in terms of your own motives and intentions. One of the most frequent questions I get asked by patients is, "Why would I think such things if I haven't done them, or didn't want to do them?" 

Within this subcategory of morbid obsessions, there are further subcategories, that would commonly include thoughts such as I will list for you below. Please note that I divide these thoughts by younger and older children. Also note that these categories are by no means exhaustive and there can be overlap between them.

Thoughts More Exclusively About Infants and Toddlers:

  • Drowning, suffocating, choking, or smothering them

  • Shaking them violently or striking them

  • Dropping them out a window, off a balcony, a bridge, or other high place, or dropping them on their heads

  • Stabbing them

  • Poisoning them

  • Sexually molesting or raping them

  • Thoughts More Exclusively About Older Children And Adolescents:

  • Stabbing, punching, or striking them with objects

  • Poisoning them

  • Sexually fondling them

  • Raping them

  • Suffocating them in their sleep or choking them

  • Within this group of sufferers, there are also three broad categories:

  • Those whose thoughts take the form of severe doubts about the present or past

  • Those who experience sudden impulses to carry out these acts

  • Those who have both of the above

Those in the first category worry that having these thoughts indicates they are crazy and dangerous and will be likely to act on their thoughts (or, "Why else would I be thinking them?"). Their thoughts generally take the form of "How do I really know I won't harm my children?" OCD could be summed up in two words: pathological doubt. It is doubt that just won't quit, and cannot be put off with simple answers. A complicating factor is that sufferers tend to mistakenly believe that the obsessive thoughts are their own real thoughts, and therefore must be important and paid attention to, rather than actually being irrelevant and the product of bad brain chemistry. This leads to the idea that thinking is the step before actually doing, and that these thoughts must be heeded and dealt with, simply because they are occurring within their own minds. They tend to respond to them with compulsions.

Simply put, compulsions relieve the anxiety produced by obsession, if only for a short time. There is a compulsion for almost every obsession. The main compulsive strategies that morbid thinkers tend to use to cope with their thoughts include:

  • Avoiding being around their children, or at least being alone with them

  • Checking their reactions when around their children, to see how they really feel

  • Arguing with their thoughts, to try to prove to themselves that they would never do these things

  • Analyzing their thoughts, to see if they really do agree with them

Another variation on this would be those who keep questioning themselves as to whether they might have already done some of these things, either very recently, or in the past. An example would be a sufferer who has older children, but looks back in time wondering whether or not they may have inappropriately touched them in sexual ways or molested them when holding, hugging, dressing, playing with, or bathing them. They will continually reanalyze these events, relive them, and try to fill in the missing details or clarify hazy memories. This activity can literally occupy hours of their lives. In some cases, they may question those close to them, either directly, or in subtle ways, hoping to utilize other people's memories in order to fill in the blanks.

Those in the second category experience what I like to call 'impulsions', or mental calls to action that, for example, might sound like "Go ahead stab them!" They might also get physical dysperceptions. By this I mean experiencing sensations that they:

  • moved their hand in an almost imperceptible way, as if to strike their child, or to fondle them in an improper way

  • thrust their pelvis toward their child in a sexual way or leaned or brushed against sexual areas of their child's body, or held them in their lap while moving in a sexual way

  • somehow pushed or shoved their child because they wanted to make them fall or injure themselves

  • somehow exposed a private area of their body to their child

These are not just thoughts, but physical sensations in their bodies that seem very real and almost (but not quite) certain. There has always been a question as to whether or not symptoms of this type may fall into a gray area between OCD and the tics seen in Tourette's Disorder. This has yet to be determined.

New mothers make up another distinctive subgroup where thoughts of harming one's child are frequently seen. Post-partum OCD is a well-known phenomenon, which may have links to post-partum depression. It can result in the sudden appearance of OCD where no symptoms were previously seen, or else may involve the worsening of mild OCD, or OCD that was previously under control. I have encountered a number of cases of women with or without prior histories of OCD, who within a short time after giving birth began to think of ways in which they might be able to harm their newborns. In one particular case, a patient of mine, a new mother, shared these thoughts with an obstetrics nurse, and was then denied contact with her baby by hospital administrators, who feared an act of violence might occur. Only an intervention on my part with the hospital's department of psychiatry set the situation right, after I convinced them that my patient, a known OCD sufferer, was being obsessional, and was absolutely not capable of such behavior.

One potentially difficult situation for parents who suffer from morbid thoughts is feeling anger, as in their minds, this could surely lead to acting their thoughts out. We all lose our tempers with our children now and then. None of us are saints, and it is a rather normal occurrence except when you then move on to experiencing thoughts about how you might now want to kill your child. In such cases, ordinary parental anger over everyday occurrences quickly turns to fear. Parents with this form of OCD tend to work extra hard to never lose their temper, or to squelch their rising emotions. This leads to constant fears of emotion, and a great deal of overcontrol when around their children.

So, having reviewed the various forms of this insidious form of OCD, then question remains, "What to do about it?" I think that in tackling OCD, it is crucial to have an understanding of what it is you need to do. The first thing to understand is that OCD is chronic; that is, you cannot be cured, but you can recover and live a normal life like everyone else. It won't simply go away, but with work, you can get it under control and keep it under control. Secondly, when it comes to controlling OCD, I think the single most important thing to understand this: "The problem is not the anxiety the problem is the compulsions." If you think that the problem is the anxiety, then you will most likely keep doing compulsions as a way of relieving it. This is, of course, wrong, as the compulsions only keep things going, and convince sufferers that the thoughts really are important and should be acted upon. In actuality, when you stop doing the compulsions, the anxiety eventually subsides, when nothing bad occurs. It is also important to realize and accept that you cannot block the thoughts out, switch to a different set of thoughts, argue with them, or reason them away. You need to see that when it comes to escaping the thoughts, you have lost this particular battle, and that it is one you will never win. Once you understand this, you can then get down to the business of confronting and overcoming your frightening thoughts.

This is obviously a bit of an oversimplification. Learning to not do compulsions has to be done gradually, takes time, and along with it, you have to learn to stay in the presence of what you fear not run away or avoid. In this way, you build up tolerance to what you fear, and at the same time, discover the truth of the situation. That is, you learn to test your theories of what may happen to you or others if you don't avoid things, or perform compulsions. As I mentioned earlier, nothing ever happens. It is really a lot like being a scientist.

All this is best done within a program of behavioral therapy that is, Exposure and Response Prevention. Within such a program, patients learn to gradually expose themselves to what they fear, be it thoughts or situations, and at the same time, resist performing the compulsions they usually do to relieve their anxiety. In this way, as I have said, they learn the truth. As part of my own approach to treatment, we first make a listing (called a hierarchy) of all possible situations and thoughts relating to the problem, which can cause any noticeable anxiety, and assign number values to them from 0 to 100. From this list, patients are given weekly homework assignments to help them do these things, and which they, themselves, are responsible for carrying out between visits. Some typical assignments might include the following (and I list these in no particular order of difficulty, as this can be different for each sufferer):

  • Agreeing with thoughts of harming the child (or children) in question, instead of analyzing or studying them

  • Resisting the reviewing of past events in detail to determine if they actually did something harmful or unacceptable

  • Not questioning others, directly or indirectly to determine if they might have done something wrong in the past, or will do something in the future

  • Writing, taping, and then listening repetitively to compositions about how they really want to do (or really did) the unacceptable things they are thinking about

  • Holding their young child near a window, balcony or other high point

  • Becoming more physical in playing with their child (if they are avoiding this), and creating more opportunities to hold, hug, massage, cuddle, etc.

  • Reading news articles or books about parents who have injured, killed, or molested their children

  • Being around their child while holding sharp, or pointed objects, or other weapon-like things

  • Visiting websites concerned with child molesters and murderers

A sufferer might look at such a list and say, "You are asking me to do these scary things as if you think they're easy!" My answer is that I would never tell anyone that these assignments are easy, but then, having unrelenting OCD isn't easy either. No one usually argues that point. When correctly educated, the overwhelming majority of patients are able to successfully carry out these assignments. Some have suggested that having people carry out such therapy work is cruel or mean in some way, but thirty-five years of research contradicts this. It is a complete misrepresentation of behavioral therapy. If the therapy ultimately relieves people of their suffering in the quickest and most efficient way, and enables them to function as parents again, I would label it as kind. Besides, as I tell my patients, "You know what I would really do if I wanted to be mean? I'd leave you the way you are."

When most sufferers come to see me for the first time, they are, of course, seeking reassurance that they aren't crazy, and won't act on their violent thoughts. I explain to them that they aren't (OCD sufferers do not act on their thoughts, in fact, quite the opposite), and they won't, but I also make it clear to them that I do not give ongoing reassurance about these things, as this will only make them worse. I also try to disconnect family and friends from any involvement in responding to compulsive pleas for reassurance or help in avoiding as well. This is often a crucial factor in treating these types of symptoms.

One typical fear that patients sometimes express goes something like this: "Maybe I really don't have OCD, and my anxiety about doing something awful to my children is the only thing keeping me from acting on it. If I get rid of my anxiety, will I then do it, because nothing will be holding me back?" I will initially reassure them that this is never seen to happen in those with OCD. If they can't stop worrying about it, we then treat it as just another obsession.

Over the following weeks, patients systematically work their way through their hierarchy, carrying out the homework assignments at their own pace, and in order of difficulty. While everyone would like an exact figure as to how long this takes to finish, it may vary from person to person. I tell them that on the average, it can take from about six to twelve months, barring complicating factors, such as depression, serious life problems, or other types of disorders.

Medications can also be of help. They should be viewed as a tool to help you to get through therapy, and not as a magical complete treatment by themselves. What they can do is lower the level of obsessions, anxiety, and depressed mood. What they cannot do, is teach you how to face what you fear, or how to develop the tools necessary to resist compulsions or avoidance. That is where the behavioral therapy comes in.

With current technology, OCD can be successfully treated, and the vast majority of sufferers can recover. This can only happen, however, if you get yourself out there and get help. Too many individuals still suffer in silence, or put themselves in the hands of practitioners who lack the expertise to treat them. My advice is to not wait, and start working to find the way to recovery today.

If you would like to read more about what Dr. Penzel has to say about OCD, take a look at his self-help book, "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well," (Oxford University Press, 2000). You can learn more about it at www.ocdbook.com

A Touching Story (Touching and movement compulsions)

OCD encompasses many different groups of symptoms. One of the less well-known is touching and movement compulsions. Those whose disorder includes these symptoms can be seen to do one or more of the following:

  • Gesture or pose in a special way

  • Look or glance at something in a special way

  • Move in symmetrical or special ways

  • Having to step in special ways or on special spots when walking

  • Move in special ways while carrying out certain activities

  • Reverse movements one has just made

  • Repeat certain activities (e.g. sitting down, getting up, passing through doorways or by certain locations) a special number of times or until they feel right

  • Touch furniture before sitting down or standing up

  • Touch doors or drawers before opening or closing

  • Touch doorways before walking through

  • Touch things a certain number of times

  • Touch things in special patterns

  • Touch, move or handle possessions a certain way before using them

Compulsions in this and other categories are most often performed for the purpose of relieving the anxiety caused by obsessive thoughts. However, these are several sub-categories which do not exactly fit this pattern.

One subgroup which does fit this pattern takes in those whose touching or moving takes the form of magical or superstitious rituals (see the article "Very Superstitious" in the December 1993 issue Vol. 6, No. 6. The story of the young boy featured in the video "The Touching Tree" is a good example of someone performing a magical touching ritual. By magically connecting things which do not connect in the real world, these sufferers are trying to establish control over dislikable thoughts or events to keep them from happening in the future, to ensure that certain desirable things will happen, or to undo previous happenings or thoughts, which would lead to such events. Perhaps this type of touching could just as easily be classified under magical or superstitious compulsions, but touching and moving are so distinctive that I believe they constitute a separate category in their own right. There is a good deal of overlap between symptom groups anyway.

Those who think in superstitious and magical ways are not 'crazy'. They will be the first to say "I know this sounds strange, but..." It is the strong feelings of doubt and anxiety which keep them working at compulsive activities. They feel that they dare not take the risk or chance of their feared consequence occurring.

Magic usually involves rituals, and rituals must be performed "perfectly" in order to work. Ritualistic behaviors must be performed certain numbers of times or in a particular order which is usually invariable (There is some overlap here with compulsive counting). Sometimes things must be touched until they "feel right." You will typically see "touchers" tapping, grasping or touching things an odd or even number of times or up to a special number of repetitions. If a ritual is performed wrongly, or if an unpleasant thought or image comes to mind (contaminating the ritual), the sufferer will generally have to stop and do it all over again. Because those who do rituals are anxious and because anxiety hampers a person's performance at almost anything, it is not unusual to see people touching things as much as several hundred times before they can stop. Some touchers can be seen to have calluses on their fingertips as a result.

Unfortunately, compulsions only pro-vide a kind of illusory short term relief from anxiety. The long term result is only more anxiety. The more they are performed, the greater the behavioral 'addiction' which develops, until eventually they can almost engulf a sufferer's entire day and every activity.

Objects sometimes have to be touched in special spots. Frequent targets for touching are the edges or corners of things, or any surface irregularities such as bumps, cracks or rough spots. Sometimes stains, spots or marks are also singled out. Where sufferers have to walk or move in special ways, they sometimes use marks or irregularities on the floor to step on, around or over.

Doorways are also common sites for touching rituals, which have to be performed either before or after the individual walks through or past them. For instance, touchers will sometimes have to touch door posts before entering or leaving a room. Sometimes the act involves touching a door before it can be opened or closed. It is not unusual for touchers to get "stuck"to not be able to enter or leave buildings or rooms until they get their ritual right. Some sufferers can also be seen to be "stuck" sitting on chairs or sofas in the same way. They may sit for as long as half an hour or more before they perform their touching correctly.

Other common events which can become incorporated into a person's touching rituals are the opening and closing of drawers, bottles or boxes. Picking up objects and then setting them down in special ways is also a variation on this type of behavior. This frequently is seen during such activities as dressing, shaving, washing, writing, etc.

One of the more unusual looking magical movement compulsions is a type of "undoing" ritual where an individual must cancel out other "bad" movements they have made by doing them in reverse, much as you run a film backwards. It is possible to see someone walking out of a room backwards, making every move and gesture in reverse.

A second subgroup whose members touch and move, perform many of the same behaviors as those who behave in magical ways although they perform them for a different reason. These suffer-ers seem to have a need for "closure" or a kind of completion. They can't exactly explain why they do what they do, but when asked, will say that they feel an uneasiness or nervousness about something being "missing" if the behavior is not performed. There may even have been a reason for touching or moving that motivated them in the past, but usually they can no longer remember what it was. As in the case of the magical ritualizers, those in this subgroup will also touch or move until it "feels right."

A third subgroup moves or touches compulsively simply to satisfy a distinct urge. There is no "bad" consequence for not performing the behavior other than that it will keep nagging at them. One of my patients described his efforts to resist as being similar to holding back the need to sneeze. The impulse can be delayed, but it cannot be resisted completely. These compulsions are similar in many ways to tics, and might even be diagnosed as such in some cases, although this can be a kind of gray area There is not always a clear distinction between a tic and a movement or touching compulsion. I do not believe that anyone has ever really been able to establish where such a difference might lie. In any case, it would appear that there are some links between this type of compulsion and Tourette's Syndrome (TS). Tics themselves are not uncommon in OC sufferers. There does, in fact, appear to be some genetic connection between the two disorders, and it is interesting to note that, for some in this category, the drugs Risperdal, Zyprexa, Geodon, Abilify, and Seroquel (which are used to treat TS) can be useful additions to the antidepressant medications taken for OCD. The match is not complete, however, as these sufferers do no exactly meet the diagnostic criteria for TS. For instance, there may be no history of vocal tics or an onset before age 21, both of which are required for a diagnosis of TS. There are other diagnoses such as Chronic Motor or Vocal Tic Disorder or Tic Disorder Not Otherwise Specified which come a bit closer in terms of their criteria. The diagnostic blurring we see between tics and movement compulsion clearly indicate that this is an area which requires more research.

What can be done about these behaviors? If you are a regular reader of this newsletter you are no doubt well acquainted with the fact that the dual approach of medication plus behavior therapy has been shown to be the most effective treatment package. The use of antidepressant medications, including Anafranil, Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Luvox, Celexa, Lexapro, Cymbalta, and Effexor can provide a measure of relief by lowering the level of superstitious obsessions as well as the urge to move or touch. As mentioned above, the addition of small amounts of Abilify, Risperdal, Zyprexa, Geodon, or Seroquel to one of the above drugs has been reported to help treat some of the more resistant cases in this category.

Due to the fact that it cannot totally eradicate all symptoms, medication can not do the job alone. Medication's most important contribution is that it can enable individuals to feel strong enough to successfully engage in behavioral therapy. In behavioral therapy, the basic principles are to gradually face the anxiety through the use of compulsions. In this way, sufferers build up a tolerance for the anxiety and eventually get to the point where they do not have to respond to it compulsively to get relief. This is what constitutes Exposure and Response Prevention (E&RP). This approach is very effective for those in the magical touching and moving subgroup. Together with the patient, the therapist (usually a psychologist specializing in behavioral therapy) prepares a list known as a hierarchy, in which every feared thought and situation is assigned a number value anywhere from zero to 100 based upon how much anxiety it causes the sufferer. These are then placed in a ranked order and patients are helped to carry out assignments in which they work their way up the scale, gradually facing more fearful situations while resisting the urge to ritually touch and move. As a person in treatment moves up their hierarchy, their sense of mastery over the symptoms grows, and as they reach the upper levels, items which at first seemed impossible to face have now become approachable.

For those who fall into the second sub-group (touching and moving to get a sense of completion) the use of E&RP would also be appropriate. While there is generally no catastrophe connected to their resisting the urge to move or touch, they usually do feel some discomfort or low level anxiety. They are encouraged to resist the movement while having to confront the idea that they are incomplete or will not get closure. They then work to gradually expand the amount of time and the number of situations in which they will not perform the compulsion.

In the case of the third subgroup (simply satisfying an urge to move or touch) a somewhat different behavioral approach would be used. This is known as Habit Reversal Training, a technique frequently used in the treatment of Trichotillomania (compulsive hair-pulling). It is a multi-component treatment which helps patients to become more aware of when and where urges occur, teaches them how to center themselves through diaphragmatic breathing and muscle relaxation, and then trains them to combine these with a special muscle tensing exercise which can compete with and block the compulsive movement. This is, of course, just a simplified description of the technique. It does require much practice and hard work to master. Further information about this technique can be found in Dr. Penzel's OCD self-help book, mentioned below.

As can be seen, there is effective treat-ment for all forms of touching and movement compulsions. Don't just sit around feeling 'stuck' in both senses of the term. Many with OCD wait and suffer for years before seeking effective help. Try not to let yourself be one of them.

If you would like to read more about what Dr. Penzel has to say about OCD, take a look at his self-help book, "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well," (Oxford University Press, 2000). You can learn more about it at www.ocdbook.com

Teens With Morbid Obsessions

Recently, I was sitting in session with a patient, Jesse, a sixteen year-old boy who had started seeing me only three weeks before for a problem with thoughts that he said were very unpleasant. So far, we hadn't gotten very far, as he still couldn't seem to tell me anything about them yet. He sat there nervously, playing with his sneaker laces and looking at the floor. "I don't know if I can tell you about my thoughts yet," he said. "They're really bad, and if I tell you you'll probably think I'm crazy and won't want to work with me any more. I don't just mean 'bad' thoughts. These are the worst ever." Jesse was an honor student, and the captain of his school's lacrosse team. He was a tall dark-haired boy, with good looks, good grades in AP courses, and the appearance that everything in life was going his way. At least that was how it looked to the other people in his world. The reality was, that Jesse had been extremely anxious and depressed for the last four months since the thoughts had started. He was having difficulty concentrating on his schoolwork, and for the first time, his grades were starting to slip.

I looked back at Jesse for a moment, and didn't say anything. "And what if you don't tell me about your thoughts," I answered. How will I be able to help you? It seems to me that if you really want to get control of them, you'll have to tell either me or someone else sooner or later. I don't see how you can go on like this, and I don't think you really have too many other options." "Besides," I added, "With all the people I've seen over the years with thoughts like yours, I honestly don't think that you'll be able to tell me about anything I haven't heard many times over from other people, no matter how bad you think they are." "Please understand that I'm not here to judge you or your thoughts," I told him, "I don't think you're crazy. I'm just here to help you recover from this problem and give you back control of your thinking and your behavior. I really think we can do that if we work together. Wouldn't it be nice to have a quiet mind for a change?"

I didn't yet know the nature of Jesse's "bad," or "morbid thoughts," as we like to call them, but I could imagine what they were like. Morbid thoughts come in a number of varieties, and fall into either of two major categories either something horrific or unpleasant happening to the thinker, or else the thinker doing something horrific or unpleasant to someone else. Morbid thoughts can be about sexual acts (hetero- or homosexual), about committing murderous or aggressive acts, about acting out in socially unacceptable or inappropriate ways in public, or blasphemous or irreligious behaviors (usually done in houses or worship or religious settings). If he didn't share them with me, there would be little I could do to help. I felt that if I didn't pressure him, his desire to get control over the thoughts might overcome his feelings of shame and fear.

"I really hate having to think about these stupid things," Jesse answered. "They're so crazy and ugly that I can't even tell my best friends or my family what's happening to me. I couldn't tell my last doctor either." He had seen a female psychiatrist for several visits before coming to see me. She meant well, but didn't have a lot of experience in treating OCD. He gave a short bitter laugh and said, "Can you believe she actually told me to try and think 'good' thoughts instead? How dumb was that? If I could do that, I wouldn't be seeing her in the first place!"

I sat silently and looked at my patient, not saying anything, for what seemed like a very long time. Then suddenly, he spoke up. "I just don't know if I'm ready to tell anyone. Really. I'd like to, but I wouldn't even know how to start. I just know you'll think I'm some kind of sick pervert, or psycho." "Maybe you could start with one of the less horrible ones," I suggested. "I don't know," he murmured, "It feels like someone else is living in my brain making these things up. I'm really scared. Almost like it will punish me for telling, with even worse ideas" "I know," I reassured him. "Everyone finds it hard at first, but it really does get easier. You just have to make a start somewhere. Anywhere. Give yourself a chance. If you want to overcome something fearful, you have to take what look like risks sometimes. It's like jumping off into space and trusting that there will be a net to catch you. This therapy will be that net."

I sat and waited again. He had curled up in a ball in the large leather recliner chair with his face in his hands. I could see that he was really wrestling with himself, and I wanted to give him the space he needed to think it over. As I like to tell my patients, sometimes doing nothing is doing something. After a few minutes, he began to speak with his hands still over his face. The words began to come out slowly, and then picked up speed. It was almost as if someone had suddenly punched a hole in a dam.

"Okay, okay, okay. Its like I keep thinking in these crazy sexual ways about my parents and my dog and cat. Like touching them in bad ways or doing these things with them. Sometimes I get ideas about hurting or killing them. Like I could just do it, that I would like doing it, like I'm going to do it. But I love them - I would never ever do these things, but when I'm thinking about them they seem so real. There, I told you everything. That's it!!"

I leaned forward in my chair and looked directly at him. "Jesse," I said, "I know that was really hard for you to do, but you've just taken the first and most important step toward getting recovered. Now, something can happen."

A phrase he had used struck me as familiar. "they seem so real." It has always seemed strange to me how so many of my obsessive morbid thinkers use that exact same phrase to describe their repetitive thoughts. I cannot begin to count the number of times I have heard it from people who have never met or spoken to each other. This is, for me, one of the great mysteries of OCD for me; how thoughts about things that a person would never normally think, and would never do could seem "so real." It is also one of the great tortures. The vividness and the convincing way the thoughts hit an OC sufferer almost always seem to convince them that they just might actually do the horrible things they are thinking about. The first question that occurs to most sufferers is, "Why would I be thinking these things if I really weren't a psychopath or an evil person?" Since the thoughts mostly won't quit, and are so striking, it seems like a pretty reasonable question for a person to ask him or herself. The rest of us more fortunate human beings can always find a way to 'change the channel' when we are having unpleasant thoughts. We don't often appreciate what it is like to be in control of our own thinking, and take it for granted. That's why it is so easy for people like Jesse's previous and rather ignorant doctor to simply say "Just think good thoughts." As if.

The truth is, we don't really understand why people with OCD happen to think any of the particular thoughts seen to afflict them. There are many different varieties, of which morbid thoughts is only one category. Perhaps many thoughts go through a sufferer's mind, and only particular ones that happen to bother them the most are the ones that stick. No one knows. It is really one of the special tortures that OCD reserves for those have it - that the unpleasant things they think about can often be the very things that they will find the most frightening and repulsive. They may also involve the people or things they love or prize the most. Beloved family members or pets are frequently the subjects of the thoughts, although they can attach themselves to strangers as well. Worse yet, the thoughts don't just stop at ideas of bad things happening to the ones we love. They may go on, as in Jesse's case, to tell the person that they, themselves, will be the ones doing the harmful thing. 

The good news is, however, that there is a lot that can be done to help those who suffer from morbid thoughts. I wanted to communicate this to Jesse. "I really don't think you're crazy," I said. It's just that OCD is putting these thoughts in your head, and the ways you are trying to escape them is only making things worse. I think I can teach you how to take the fear out of your thoughts by confronting them, and by challenging them," I told my patient, who now looked as exhausted as if he'd just run a marathon. "I believe that if we work together, you will one day be able to say, 'Okay, so I can think these things, but now they don't scare me, and I don't have to do anything about them.' Also, if we decide to bring medication into the picture, we may also be able to greatly lower the level of thoughts. What do you think?" "Sounds good to me," he replied, "but you've got really your work cut out for you. I don't see how you can do it." "I won't be doing it alone," I told him. "Think of me as your advisor, or like your lacrosse coach. I can show you all the right moves and plays, but it is you who will have to get out on the field and perform. I will design a program tailored to you and your particular thoughts, but it will be up to you to carry it out, step-by-step. My goal is to help you to become your own psychologist, so you won't need to see me any more. I'm also going to refer you to one of our M.D.s to see if medication will be a good option." "You make it sound so easy," he muttered skeptically. My immediate answer was, "Absolutely not! No way! You will never hear me use that word in this office. It will be very hard, at times. It may be the hardest thing you have ever had to do. If you're still having doubts about what I'm suggesting, I think you should ask yourself, how hard is it for you now, and what you have to lose by trying it?" "Well, if I do what you want me to do, I could get more anxious," he offered. "I don't really see how you could get much more anxious than you already are," I replied. "Anyway, the anxiety that the therapy will cause you will only last for a while, and then you will be in control of it. The anxiety you are feeling now from your symptoms doesn't look like it's going to let up any time soon." He nodded silently. I knew we would soon be making progress.

This is how we did it. Jesse and I spent the next two sessions making up a listing of all the situations and thoughts that could cause him to get anxious. I had him rate all the different things on the list from 0 to 100, with 100 being the thing that could make him the most anxious. Once we finished this, I began to create homework assignments for him to do each day, in between visits to my office. These involved going places, being around people, and doing things that set off his thoughts. I also made some audiotapes that talked about the things his thoughts were telling him. He seemed kind of nervous about the tapes, but I explained to him that the overall purpose of the homework was to give him practice staying with the things he feared, to help him get used to facing them without trying to turn them off or escape. I made it clear to him that the reason his anxiety never seemed to go away, and why he was always so sensitive to his thoughts, was because he never stayed with them long enough to see what would really happen. I added that the goal was to actually become so bored with his thoughts that he would no longer react to them. I told him our motto was, "If you want to think about it less, think about it more." He didn't seem too certain about this, but was willing to give it a try, since it seemed to make sense.

We started off with pretty easy things, most of which really didn't bother Jesse very much. He also started taking antidepressant medication (which also happens to help reduce the symptoms of OCD). His mood improved, and he began to think that he could get through all this. As the weeks went by, he gradually worked his way up the ladder, taking on more and more difficult homework. Basically, we dared the thoughts to do their worst, and also looked at them more closely, to see if anything about them made sense. Since some of the assignments involved his parents, we eventually had to bring them into the picture. It was difficult for him to do this, as he feared that they wouldn't understand, but between Jesse and myself, we were able to explain what he had been going through and how they could help. Fortunately, his parents did understand, and had even read some books about OCD. They said that because he was their son, and because they loved him, they would do anything it took to help. We then had them take part in some of the assignments.

At one of our later sessions, three months later, Jesse had this to say "You know, I think I'm really starting to beat these thoughts. I keep facing them, and thinking about them on purpose, but nothing they tell me ever happens. I think I'm even starting to get bored with some of them. They seem so stupid now. I think I can do this." I began to put more of the responsibility for the therapy on him. He now had to create some of his own tapes and homework assignments for himself. At even later sessions, he actually dared me to do my worst, and give him the hardest things I could think of. "I can tell you are recovering," I told him. "You're really making me work. I think I'm actually running out of things to throw at you. When I really do run out, I guess we can say you are finished." This brought a smile to his face.

Not long after, we did finish. It had taken ten months, in all. I spent some time explaining to Jesse that at this point, our job was only half done? He looked at me strangely. "Doc, what do you mean? I thought we ran out of assignments." "What I mean," I answered, "Is that you now have to stay this way." We talked about something known as 'relapse prevention.' This would mean that he could still expect to get a thought or two from time-to-time, but would have to be his own therapist and immediately give himself an assignment to do. If he slipped and did the wrong thing, he would just have to forgive himself, and then get right back to doing the thing he knew was correct.

If you would like to read more about what Dr. Penzel has to say about OCD, take a look at his self-help book, "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well," (Oxford University Press, 2000). You can learn more about it at www.ocdbook.com